Synopsis: Bucky and the Reader have been together for half a year now, and he's never felt happier. But when Peter Parker gets a crush on the Reader, Bucky slowly starts to think that maybe he isn't the right one for her.
Pairing: Bucky x Reader
Warnings: swearing; mentions of dying; mentions of sexy times; Bucky feeling real down
Genre: so much angst dude, but like fluff in the end
Word count: 4509
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Bucky Barnes did not like Peter Parker. Not one bit. Sure, at first it was fine, the two got along fairly well, the kid being completely and utterly fascinated by the vibranium arm, always sitting in on Tony's repairs or simple check-ups. But ever since Y/N joined the team, Bucky despised Peter. The young girl had first been a temporary addition. After Thanos and the whole universe-almost-ending shebang, Fury had decided one more person couldn't hurt, so he had recruited Y/N. Bright eyes, glowing skin and a mind that was beyond her age, she entranced Bucky the moment her laughter fluttered out of the elevator and into the common room. She was the sun, the reason the world spun, at least in the super soldier's humble opinion. She was everything he wanted and craved, yet couldn't have. I mean, he was a monster, and monsters don't get to have happy endings. Bucky distanced himself from the girl, retreating to the shadows and admiring her from afar. That is until Y/N had gotten gravely injured one mission. They had been paired off to clear out a floor in a Hydra base, the two working like a perfectly oiled mechanism, but his back had been turned to her and he didn't see her get shot. Bucky was preoccupied with hand to hand combat when her painful scream echoed through the room. His body whizzed around, fear overtaking everything and then turning into white-hot rage. In two minutes he'd taken out every agent on the floor and was by Y/N's side in an instant. Her breathing was shallow, a palm pressing on the wound, red spilling from her abdomen. She couldn't even speak, trying to say Bucky's name, but choking on the pain. "Shh, doll, don't talk. I'm gonna get you out of here, okay?" he lifted her body up in his arms, tears of his own threatening to spill down his cheeks. "You're gonna be fine. It's gonna be alright. Just hang in there."
He'd never run that fast in his life. Not even when a man in a giant cat suit had tried to kill him because this wasn't about Bucky. It was about saving Y/N's life and to the man, there was nothing more important than her. "It's gonna be alright, doll. Just a bit longer, we're almost in the jet." "Buck, I don't feel it anymore." Shit. "It doesn't hurt," she slurred out, eyes drooping closed. "That's not good, right?" "We're gonna get you help, Y/N. I'm not gonna let you die." A gentle palm slid up his cheek. " 'M sorry." "For what? Doll, no you don't need to apologise for anything, it's me. I should've kept an eye on you." "No," she stroked his stubble absentmindedly as if trying to remember his features like it would be the last time she gazed at the man. " 'M sorry for not telling you how much I love you." He stopped breathing, almost tripping on his own steps and dropping the girl. "What?" "I love ya, Buck. Kinda always did. Since we met." He didn't know what to do, what to say. The quin-jet was in the view. Few more steps and they'd be on their way to the tower. Tony was already getting out of his Iron Man suit and pulling the first aid kit out, one of the benches covered in white in a makeshift gurney. Bucky looked down at her. The Y/E/C eyes he loved to gaze into were closed, her palm, the one that had stroked his face laying atop her chest, her breaths becoming less and less prominent as blood dripped down his arms and her sides. "I love you too, so don't you dare die on me." "Put her here," Tony instructed as Clint fired up the jet and pulled up from the ground. The scientist took scissors and cut open her tactical suit. Y/N didn't have special powers, she didn't have impenetrable skin. It was her genius mind they had needed on the mission. She could definitely hold her own, but there was no super soldier serum running through her veins, that could help her heal. "How long has she been out?" Bucky wasn't listening, just looking at the scarlet life force draining out of her body and onto the ground. "Barnes!" Tony snapped him out of the daze. "How long has she been out?" "A- a minute or so. Couldn't be more." "Okay," he crouched down to the bullet hole, pinchers in hand and a soaked rag of disinfectant as well. "We'll get you back on your feet, love. Don't you even think about dying, or I'll figure out a way to bring dead people back, just so I can kill you myself." He was trying to alleviate the mood by making jokes a la Tony style, but even Bucky could hear the faint tremble of fear in his voice. Bucky watched as he pushed the metal into her skin, to dig the cone-shaped piece out, yet almost instantly he retreated. "Stark, what are you doing? You have to get it out, otherwise, she'll die." But he wasn't listening. "Friday, call Bruce and tell him to set up the ICU. It's a Hook this time." "What? What's a hook? Tony, what the fuck is going on?" Clint increased the speed of the jet, even though Bucky wasn't sure that was physically possible. "The bullet is a Hook. It's a new type created by Hydra. Meant to inflict as much damage as possible. If you wanna pull it out, it turns into hundreds of tiny little spikes that will rip the skin apart." Bucky was pretty sure there was no oxygen left in the plane, as he couldn't breathe. "So how do you get it out?" Tony took a vibranium ball, courtesy of Shuri and placed it into the wound, only this time it wouldn't cure the person in need, only stop the bleeding for a while. "You push it through the other side." "Push it through?" "Yes. That way if the shot is near vital organs, let's say a heart, you don't have any other way to remove the bullet but by pushing it through it and ki-" "Killing the person." He was in a nightmare. He had to be sleeping because none of it could be true. Couldn't be true. Bucky collapsed right next to Y/N and took one of her palms. She had fluids pumping into her system, needles embedded in her soft skin, though how long that would work, no one was sure of. When they landed Bruce had greeted the trio sent out on a mission and immediately wheeled Y/N away to surgery. Ten hours they attempted to remove the bullet safely and once that was done, she spent three more days just sleeping everything off. Bleary eyes had fluttered open, Bucky almost dropping his coffee mug from the surprise before leaning down and softly pushing a lock of Y/H/C away from the girl's brow. "Hey there, doll." "Hey, Buck," an exhausted smile graced her lips and there was nothing more he wanted to do than kiss her then and there. "You scared us. Scared me. I didn't think you'd make it." "Oh, Buck, don't say that. Of course, I would! Someone has to be the guinea pig for your horrible food experiments." He chuckled, happiness rushing through his body. "It's not that bad." "No, it is," her nose scrunched up adorably and he pressed a quick peck on the tip of it, making her scrunch it up even more. His palm slid over the bandage, gently enough that she only barely felt the pressure. "But you really did scare me. I don't think I've been that terrified in my life." "Buck," she raised a palm to slide across his cheek and into his hair, pulling their faces closer, foreheads resting against one another. "I told you I love you," his breath hitched. "So I had a pretty damn good reason to pull it through." Bucky's thoughts were spinning, his mind going into a daze. He wanted to rebuff it, to tell her there is no way in hell he'd allow such a pure soul to fall for a monster like him, but the only words he managed to say were "Can I kiss you?" He opened his eyes, meeting Y/N's Y/E/C orbs. "I've wanted you to do that for far too long, so if you think I'm gonna say no, I will personally punch you in your perfect nose." Gently he leaned down, a small smile playing on his lips as he connected with Y/N's. It was sweet and soft and light. Just a gentle brush, but it was more than Bucky could have ever hoped for. Ever deserved, but here she was, pulling him down for more as if he was the air she so desperately needed. When they pulled apart their faces were adorned with bashful smiles. "I really like you Bucky. I really really do." He couldn't help himself, a brilliant grin that lit up Y/N's world etching its way onto Bucky's features. "I really like you too." And now almost half a year into their relationship, he still didn't think he deserved her, but man did he know how lucky he was to have the girl of his dreams. His fingers absentmindedly traced the bullet scar on her back, where they had pulled it out. "Sarge?" "Hmm?" he looked down at Y/N. Her chin rested on her hand, fingers drawing invisible love confessions on his skin. "You spaced out on me. I was asking if you want pancakes for breakfast." "Nah, I already had mine. The desert was fucking amazing," his hand travelled down to the small of her back and then to one of her butt cheeks, giving it a playful squeeze, a mischievous smirk on his face, eyebrows wiggling making Y/N drop her head into his chest as Bucky was being a cheeky bastard. "I mean real breakfast." "You mean eating you out doesn't count?" It was so innocent, the way he asked that it made Y/N groan. "Oh for fuck's sake, Bucky!" But she was laughing, her body shaking with the action, reverberating into his own. He was so happy, more than he'd ever been or had dared to dream of. Y/N detached herself from the man, making him instantly crave her touch. "Come on, you absolute child," she threw on one of his shirts and pulled his boxers on. They were giant, so she tied them in a knot at the side. "I want pancakes." The morning sun shone around Y/N making her body glow even more so than it did after their activities just a few minutes ago. He couldn't tear his gaze away as she stood up and stretched out, arms up towards the ceiling, back arching forwards, like she had done when Bucky was on top of her, the girl's fingernails digging into his back as intense waves of pleasure made her want to be closer to him, needed to have him closer, and legs standing on her very tippy toes, pulling the sore muscles to relax a bit. "What?" she was now looking at him, amusement shining in her eyes. "Nothing. I just can't believe you're mine." "Well, you better get your pretty mind wrapped around that, cause you're mine and I ain't letting you go," Y/N had crawled on top of him and gently pressed their lips together, her hands holding the man's cheeks as his own wrapped around her waist. "Never?" he breathlessly asked. "Never. Apart from now," hopping off, the girl stumbled a bit but then regained her balance. "Cause I need ma pancakes." With that, she pulled open the door of his room and sauntered out while humming a tune. Bucky just laid there, staring at the orange hues of the rising sun a wondered how was it possible to be this happy. Until he remembered that Peter was staying in the tower and he would probably be up, seeing as his training schedule was pulled to the morning, which made Bucky instantly stand up and exit the room. And then immediately come back pull on some clothing. His grey sweats hung low as he entered the kitchen, no shirt on purpose, hoping to intimidate the kid a bit more. Parker had developed a giant crush on Y/N, which made Bucky's blood boil. Yeah, the girl was a few years older than him, but three months and he'd be eighteen. There would be nothing illegal about the two dating and he could see that, despite all the good things Y/N saw in him, Peter would be so much better for her. He would deserve her, unlike Bucky. Of course, he was already sat by the counter, a cup of tea in his hand as he chatted with Y/N. She was by the stove, hips swaying to her morning playlist which consisted of songs from both Bucky's time and hers. The perfect mix. "M-Moring mister Barnes," Peter stuttered out. Bucky had pulled his long hair half up so that he wasn't hiding his face. Why not use every weapon in his arsenal to make the kid realise his place? "Parker," he curtly nodded, not even looking at the boy, weaving his way to the coffee machine and making himself a cup. "Do you want some, doll?" He placed the mug beside her and hugged the girl from behind, placing a sweet kiss on the back of her ear. "No, thank you, darling. Peter already made me a cup." His only reply was a grunt. It was their ritual- Y/N made breakfast and he made coffee. Three spoons of the bitter flavoured component, three spoons of sugar, half a mug of water and half a mug of steaming milk. Just the way she liked it. But Peter had taken that away from him. "Just thought I'd do something nice. Y/N's always making everyone breakfast, so why not start the morning the right way." "Gosh, Pete, you're too sweet," she had a smile on her face as the girl entangled herself from Bucky's embrace and went to place a plate in front of the boy. "Blueberry pancakes, just the way you like it. And for you," she turned to Bucky, quickly pecking his lips, "a mountain of chocolate chip coming right up." "And for you?" "I'm just gonna steal from your plate," she shrugged nonchalantly. If Bucky had said that, or anyone else for a matter of fact, they'd have their heads through a wall. The team had learned it the hard way that Y/N didn't share food. Sam had once stolen a croissant from her plate and found himself in a nasty predicament as the girl was pinning him to the ground, palm wrapped around his throat and sneering into his face. No one since had dared to take any food from her. "You can have some of mine," Peter piped up, adoring look on his face as he looked at Y/N's back, her hair a mess on top of her head. "Oh, no, honey, that's fine. Bucky will share with me. Right, love?" He chuckled, placing himself next to Peter on the island, his metal arm on full display. "Do I really have a choice to decline?" "Umm," she tapped her chin with the spatula as if in thought, "no." "Didn't think so." A dazzling smile appeared on her face as she looked over her shoulder at Bucky, whose mind was temporarily overtaken by how amazing she looked in his clothes. His and no one else's. "Oh, uh, Y/N," Peter stuttered out, a small blush creeping up his cheeks and Bucky knew he wouldn't like what he had to say next. "Steve asked if you could be my sparring partner for today. Wanda isn't feeling well, so, umm, he wanted to know if you're free." "Sure thing, Pete," she placed the pan in the sink and a giant pile of chocolate chip pancakes before herself and Bucky. Handing him a fork, she grabbed a smaller plate of her own and nicked one of the sweet circles. "Damn, doll," he groaned in pleasure, "amazing as always." "Wouldn't expect anything less coming from Y/N." Parker was looking at the girl like she was the most amazing thing in the world, making Y/N blush which in turn made Bucky's blood boil. "Oh, shut it Pete and eat your pancakes. We have training to do in an hour." They fell into comfortable conversation, but Bucky was still seething. He knew it was unreasonable, and it was just a teenager crushing on someone, but still, that voice in the back of his mind kept telling him how he didn't deserve the girl, how she was too good for him and would eventually realise her mistake of being with Bucky and leave him. "Y/N are you hurt?" Parker pulled him out of the destructive thoughts, fear immediately flooding his body as he looked at the girl he was in love with and roamed over her body to find any kind of injuries. "Umm, no?" "You- your neck. There's a big bruise there. Did you get hurt in the last mission?" She placed a palm where her shoulder and collarbone met and instantly her cheeks were tinted in a rosy colour. "No, it's fine. It's nothing." Y/N pulled Bucky's shirt a bit higher to hide the hickey. She loved it when he left his marks on her, but not in places other's could see, while the man was completely opposite. He wanted the world to know who she belonged to and sported the love bites Y/N had given him like they were badges of honour. He threw a smirk at the blushing girl, who only stuck out her tongue as a reply. Wolfing down the last pieces of her food, she hopped off of the bar chair and put her plate in the sink. "I'll see you in the gym, Pete." "Bye, Y/N." "Later, Buck!" "See ya, doll." Now he was only left with the spider kid. The pair ate in silence and when there was nothing left on the plates they put the dirty dishes in the sink and went to their according rooms to pull on their gear. Bucky was not about to let the boy be alone with Y/N. Not if he could help it. The Avenger was already down and getting warmed up, her feet keeping a light pace as she ran on the treadmill and music blasted through her headphones. Bucky stood on the side, leaning against the door, admiring every curve of the girl and how her muscles moved underneath the skin he loved to caress and explore every time they laid together. He'd whispered so many love confessions, so many dark secrets and fears into that skin, and Y/N had responded by moulding their bodies together whispering into his what her own heart felt. At this point Bucky didn't think he was one whole person, there was too much of Y/N's essence embedded in him. He was in perfect balance, giving himself away to her completely, the same way he had felt Y/N do so to him. And then Parker came into the room, making the ex-Winter Soldier go to the boxing bag, otherwise, he'd punch the kid across the room. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw them conversing, as he wrapped tape around his right palm, tighter and tighter. They were laughing, Y/N's head thrown back as her arm clutched her stomach. She was wearing only a sports bra and high-waisted shorts, looking better than ever, which Peter must have noticed too, as he couldn't look away from the girl. Bucky turned his attention back, viciously punching the bag. He kept his pace unrelenting until sweat poured into his eyes and his hair came out of the bun. It wasn't until he saw, Y/N put an arm on Peter's bicep, gently squeezing it that he made the bag go flying, filling spilling out of it, the pair's attention turning to the ex-assassin. Y/N's chest was heaving. She was completely taken off guard by Bucky's sudden outburst. Of course, it wasn't the first time he'd destroyed a bag, but this was more than that. His body was rigid, but trembling at the same time, ice-blue eyes boring into the ground, hair like a curtain hiding the anger and fear on his face. "Bucky?" the girl's voice was soft. She stepped closer, but the man only spun around and exited the gym. He couldn't listen to her, couldn't face her. Not with how great he had seen Y/N and Peter would look together. Not when he realised he'd been right all along- monster's don't get happy endings. Bucky slammed the door to his room and sat down on the edge of the bed, letting tears roll down his cheeks. He should've known it would never work out, that the bliss wouldn't last and she'd find someone that suited her. Who had he been kidding, thinking that he had any right to happiness and atonement? Soft knocks echoed in the room, but he made no effort to stand up. Whoever it was could go away. "Sweetheart?" It was Y/N, concern lacing the word. He didn't reply. She should just leave and make the break clean, rather than stretching this as long as her pity would allow. "Bucky, can I please come in?" He shook his head, the tears flowing harder and harder. "Go away," he rasped out, but he should've known that Y/N would do the opposite of what he said. "I can't do that, love. Not until you tell me what is going on." "I'm fine." She sunk down to her knees, palms cradling his cheeks as her Y/E/C eyes looked deep into Bucky's blood-shot ones. "What's wrong?" she wiped a salty pearl away and scooted closer, still sitting on her knees, but this time directly between his legs. "You know you can tell me anything in the world." "Why are you with me?" it came out barely a whisper. "What?" "I said why are you with me? I'm a monster. I'm broken, I can't give you what you need, what you deserve... So why stick around?" "Are you seriously asking me that?" her voice was incredulous. "Why am I with you? Because I love you, you dummy. I love you." "Why though? Y/N," he grasped her palms in his, "my mind is a mess. I've killed more people than I can count, I wake you up every night because of how screwed up my brain is and for fuck's sake, you almost died because of me!" He was shaking at this point. "You deserve so much more. Someone like Parker..." "Is that what this is all about? Peter?" He didn't raise his gaze to meet her, but that didn't stop her from straddling his hips, Bucky's hands instinctively securing her against his body. "Bucky, he's just a kid who has a crush on someone. And yeah, he's sweet and all, but he is not you. He's not James Buchanan Barnes- the leader of the Howling Commandoes, the war hero, the ex-Winter Soldier, the man who always makes me the perfect coffee in the morning. The person who nursed me back to health and saved my life. The one who I can tell everything and not feel judged. He's not you- the man I'm utterly and hopelessly in love with." "And I know you think I'm so much better and greater, that I need so much more, but I don't want more. I only want you. When we're together, I feel like the world is finally right, like nothing bad will ever happen. When you touch me, it's like fireworks erupt on my skin and there is only you. When you kiss me, I forget everything that exists, my mind goes completely blank and I can't think of anything else than being pressed against you, giving myself completely away, body and soul. When you say you love me, it's like my heart is running a marathon and I'm afraid it'll stop because I'm crazy about you. You care for me like no one else. And that's all I've ever wanted- to be loved like you love me." She was now crying as well. Bucky had finally looked up to see her salty tears rolling down her perfect cheeks, a gentle thumb wiping them away. "I love you so much, doll. More than words can express." "And I love you, Bucky. You're the reason I get up in the mornings because I know I will have another day to spend by your side." He could see nothing but pure truth shining in those Y/E/C eyes. It was so overwhelming he could only kiss her and pull the girl even closer if that was physically possible. Suddenly her sports bra was constricting her breathing and it needed to go, suddenly every piece of clothing was scratchy and itchy and she needed only his bare skin against hers. She kissed every inch of his body, every tiny scar and glided her lips along the jagged one where his metal arm connected with his shoulder. Y/N whispered sweet nothings into him, Bucky's every pore soaking up the words as if they were oxygen and he had finally learned how to breathe. He still didn't believe the girl when she said he deserved every ounce of happiness that he got, but as he flipped their bodies over, covering her chest in kisses, he thought to himself that maybe good things could happen to him. As long as Y/N was there.
