Luke's Diary: An Unlucky Man In A Zombie Apocalypse. Entries 957 - 1157

Entry 963: Friday 17th May 2019

Entry 963
Friday 17th May 2019

I've just got back from my meal with Nikki. There was a bit of a misunderstanding at the start, but it ended up being a lot nicer than I thought it would be... A LOT nicer...

The wall that is going to surround Cowes has started to be built. I'm impressed at how much GRID have managed to get done already. I met with Sci-Fi Cyn at Sails earlier for a chat over a cuppa. She told me that the walls will be fully built and surrounding the habitable areas of the island within a few days. I guess we'll have to see how that affects things. I told Sci-Fi Cyn all about Natasha coming round yesterday shouting the odds and about my upcoming meal with Nikki. "It sounds like a date," said Sci-Fi Cyn. "That's what Naomi said," I said. "But it really isn't. It's just a meal. She's saying sorry for being a b*tch, and I'm saying thank you for her telling GRID that me and Auntie Meryl were trapped in the pantry."

I was glad to get out of the house and get to work in the morning and see Sci-Fi Cyn in the afternoon. Mum and Auntie Meryl are really getting on my nerves. Me and Auntie Meryl were in the living room giving Leo his breakfast when Mum came downstairs with her hair a mess, wearing a rather slutty dressing gown and in the company of a man wearing nothing but a string vest and a pair of baggy boxers. "Well, who the frigging Hell is this?" asked Auntie Meryl, pointing at the man. "This is Scott," said Mum." "Stuart," said the man. "Yeah, that's it," said Mum, "Stuart. I knew it was something starting with S and ending in T." "Like the word slut," said Auntie Meryl, "What sort of a woman goes to bed with a man whose name she doesn't know." "I do know his name," said Mum, "You've just heard me say it." "You knew it started with S and ended with T," said Auntie Meryl, "Hardly guaranteed confirmation. What's his second name?" Mum looked at the man, squinted as if she was trying to look into his eye. "Does he even know your name?" Auntie Meryl asked Mum. The man looked worried. An expression that suggested he should know but didn't. "Oh, shut up old woman," said Mum, "He's shagging my arse not my name." "Oh God, that's vile," I said. "What sort of loose-moralled slut of a trollop goes to bed with a man who doesn't even know her name?" said Auntie Meryl. "Oh, shut your face, you old bag," snapped Mum, "This is my house. I'll do what I want. If I want to bring a different man around for each day of the week and shag them senseless then I will." "Don't stand there making out that's an exaggeration," said Auntie Meryl, "We all know you've done that more than once." Auntie Meryl looked at Mum's recent shag. "Listen, love," she said, "I don't know what she's told you, but you're just one of a string of men she has in and out of that slut palace of her. Her minkey's entertained so many men, it should be fitted with turnstile. I'd get to the clinic if I were you, love. After spending a night with her you're bound to have the clap." "Auntie Meryl!" I exclaimed. "It's true," said Auntie Meryl, "Poor sod's probably contracted God knows what. He'll be riddled." The man quickly left, leaving Mum very angry. She turned and gave Auntie Meryl. "Right old woman," she snapped, "I want you out of here. Every time I bring a bloke around, I don't want him coming down here to get the third degree and scared off by you." "Don't go blaming me because the poor bloke wanted to get out of here as fast as his legs could carry him." "He got out of here as fast as his legs could carry him because you told him I'd given him the clap," snapped Mum. "Well, you probably have," said Auntie Meryl in a casual manner. "Right," snapped Mum, throwing her hands up in the air and looking at me, "That's it. She has to go. It's been less than 48 hours and I'm already going mad. She takes fifteen minutes walking up the stairs. If you get stuck behind her on your way to the loo it'd be quicker to go outside and shuffle up the drain pipe to get to the bathroom for a p*ss. She's had all the milk. She's binned my magazines. She takes AGES in the bathroom, and those horrible, dirty false teeth. She leaves them everywhere. They're disgusting." "I'll have you know my teeth are cleaner than they've ever been," snaped Auntie Meryl, "Which is more than can be said for your knickers that you leave straddled all over the place!" "Listen to me you old witch," snapped Mum, "If I want to bring blokes back here and shag them, I will. If I want to leave my knickers all over the place, I will. If I want to run around naked with a traffic cone on my head, I will. If you don't like it, you and your manky false teeth can just p*ss right off." Mum then stormed off upstairs leaving me with Auntie Meryl. "See that," Auntie Meryl said, "A short temper. It's what happens when you open your legs too much. Short skirt. Short temper." "Auntie Meryl," I said, "Please try and get on with Mum. You're both important to me and I don't want to have to keep breaking up fights." "Who's fighting!?" exclaimed Auntie Meryl, "I'm not fighting. I'm just sat here minding my business." "No," I said, "You're sh*t-stirring and you know you are. Just knock it off. If you think she's sleeping around and you don't like it, fine. I don't particularly like it, but can you just keep your opinions to yourself."