Luke's Diary: An Unlucky Man In A Zombie Apocalypse. Entries 957 - 1157

Entry 1039: Thursday 1st August 2019

Entry 1039
Thursday 1st August 2019

Not a bad day. Certainly, better than the disaster that was yesterday.

I went back to the Community Centre and had a chat with Patience the group counsellor. It was hard work, but I managed to explain all about the misunderstanding yesterday, that my intention was to spray deodorant in TJ's face, NOT to set Mary Fireman's hair on fire. After a while I managed to convince her that it was all an accident, and she was even able to see the funny side. I told her about everything that had gone on between Nikki and I. It felt really good to get it all off my chest. I was surprised to find myself sitting down opposite Patience and just offloading. "Luke," she said, "I am more than happy to go and see Nikki and have a chat with her, and if she wants to have counselling and is willing to engage, I will of course be happy to have some sessions with her, but what about you?" I frowned with confusion. "What do you mean?" I asked, "What about me?" "Luke, you're a victim of domestic violence." I gave a little gasp and felt a cold shiver run down my spine. Hearing Patience say this was a bit of a shock. Quite a powerful statement to hear. Patience could see the shock on my face. "You OK?" she asked, "Is that a big thing to hear?" "Yeah, I suppose it is," I said, "I never saw myself as a victim of domestic violence. I suppose you always think of women being victims of domestic violence." "Men can be victims too, Luke," said Patience, "I am more than happy to provide some sessions to Nikki if she'll engage, but maybe you could think about having some sessions too. It sounds like you've been through a lot." "I appreciate it," I said, "But I just want Nikki to get some help. If she can get to the point where she gets angry without getting violent, that would be a great start."

I gave Patience mine and Niki's address and she said she would go round to see her later today and have a chat with her. "I'm afraid I won't be able to give you an update," said Patience, "If she agrees to start sessions with me, I have to maintain client confidentiality. I won't be able to tell you anything, but Nikki herself can tell you if she's decided to engage with sessions or not. That's a conversation between you two." I'm so grateful Patience has agreed to have a chat with Nikki. I'm going to give it a day or so and then go back and see Nikki. If she's agreed to start sessions with Patience, me and Leo can move back in with her. If she refuses to have sessions, I'm not sure what I'll do. I guess I'll have to have a think and make some difficult decisions.

Mike and I met up with Cyn at Sails Café in Cowes (usually they'd meet me in Sandown, but as I'm still in Cowes, it made sense for us all to meet at Sails). I told them all about me having a chat with Patience. "Luke," said Sci-Fi Cyn, "Are you really saying that if she agrees to have counselling sessions, you'll move back in?" "Yeah," I said, "If she admits she's got a problem and agrees to get help then I think we'll be OK." Mike and Cyn exchanged awkward looks. "Come on," I bluntly said, "You've obviously got something on your mind. Spit it out." "Well, sorry babes," said Luke, "But you've been here before. You went back to her last time and she was violent again. What makes you think she'll stop this time?" "I've just told you," I said, "If she admits she needs help and starts counselling, then I think that'll make a difference." "It might not," said Mike. "What if she doesn't admit she has a problem?" asked Cyn, "What if she refuses to have sessions?" "I don't know," I said, "I guess I'll have to make some difficult decisions. Patience said I was a victim of domestic violence." "Well... Yeah," said Sci-Fi Cyn, "Is this news to you?" "I suppose I never really saw myself as a victim of domestic abuse," I said. "Well, that's what you are," said Sci-Fi Cyn, "And I hate to say it, but if you go back to Nikki, I think that's what you'll continue to be."

Trudy and TJ shared Sci-Fi Cyn's views. I told them about Patience going round to see Nikki and what my thoughts were. "You're ACTUALLY considering going back to her!?" gasped TJ. "I know I shouldn't victim blame and all that," said Trudy, "But at this point it's like you're going out of your way to make things difficult for yourself." "If Nikki gets help, then I really think we can fix this," I said, "It's not always bad between us you know." "Hmmm," said Trudy, "I'm sure Hitler had some redeeming features." "But he was still a f*cking Nazi," said TJ, "And that Nikki is still a f*cking psycho." "She is the way she is because of that nasty ex of hers," I said, "He's got a lot to answer for." "We need to take responsibility for our own actions," said Trudy, "That's what every judge I've ever stood in front of has said." "If she has counselling, she will be taking responsibility," I said, "You know it was good to see Patience. I just offloaded to her." "You dirty b*stard," said TJ, with a smirk, "Talking to a counsellor about your girlfriend getting help and then shooting your load all over her face." "Not THAT sort of offloading," I snapped.

I don't know why I bother talking to TJ and Trudy. They rarely say anything helpful. I do hope Nikki engages with the counselling. I'll go and see her on Saturday and see what she's said. If she agrees to counselling, me and Leo can move back in. If she refuses.... Then... Oh, I don't know...