Luke's Diary: An Unlucky Man In A Zombie Apocalypse. Entries 957 - 1157

Entry 1091: Sunday 22nd September 2019

Entry 1091
Sunday 22nd September 2019

Apart from a few vicious looks from Nikki, it's been a rather nice day today.

Naomi and I met up with Mike and Sci-Fi Cyn at Sails Café and we had a chat over a cuppa. Mike was telling Cyn all about his painting of me stood naked in the community centre, but Cyn was more interested in getting all the gossip on me and Naomi. We told Cyn about everything that happened, including the drama with Angela, and lying about Mum dying. "Well, it sounds like it's been a roller coaster," said Sci-Fi Cyn, "But you know, you both look genuinely happy." "I am," said Naomi, with a smile. "Me too," I said, with a similar smile, "I think we're going to make each other happy, but you're right, it has been a bit of a roller coaster." "I pushed someone off a roller coaster once," said Mike, "It was some bloke who said my breath stank of fish. I lifted his safety bar and pushed him out just as we were doing the loop the loop." "Anyway," said Sci-Fi Cyn, ignoring Mike, "I think your rollercoaster is sadly going to continue. I doubt Nikki will make things easier for the two of you." I told Cyn about Naomi and I speaking to Nikki yesterday and about tomorrow's hospital visit. "There is something seriously wrong with that, woman," said Sci-Fi Cyn. "I know," said Mike, "Babes, I can't believe she's having your baby." "I'm still not completely convinced she's pregnant," said Naomi. "I've been having doubts too," I said, "But tomorrow should put an end to all that one way or another."

A few moments later Roz walked in with Madeline and Richard. "Well, looky what we have here," said Madeline with a big smile on her face, "It's love's young dream. Oh, they do make a lovely couple. We heard all about you two getting together. Naomi, honey, I take my hat off to you. You've shown that not all women are shallow and are interested in looks. Good for you, honey." I frowned with confusion. Madeline appeared to be complimenting Naomi whilst insulting me. "Yes indeed," said Madeline, "I take my hat off to you, Naomi." "I don't like wearing hats," said Richard, "They make my head itch." "Oh, now you stop that," Madeline chucked, giving Richard a playful slap, "This isn't time for your jokes. Now, Naomi sweetheart, don't you worry about everyone finding out about your sinful shenanigans with TJ. I am sure that no one who heard all about it thinks you're a loose morralled Jessabelle. Well... Not many people anyway...But just look at you two. Pretty as a picture." "Well, I'm happy for you both," said Roz, "Luke, don't f*ck it up. You don't want another one of your girlfriend's coming my way, do you?" "I don't think there's much chance of that happening," I said. "It must be difficult for you to cope with Elizabeth, honey," said Madeline, "Your ex-wife left you for a woman, and TJ had carnal relationships with Naomi before you. It must be a huge blow to your masculinity, but you know you shouldn't let it bother you." "Well, I wasn't," I bluntly said. "Well, that's good, honey," said Madeline, "Because not all men have to be a traditional picture of masculinity... Not like my Dicky here. Luke, you should be happy being the way God made you – even if it doesn't mean you're a masculine man." "Well, I'm happy for you both," said Roz, "What's Nikki had to say about all this?" I told Roz about mine and Naomi's 'chat' with Nikki, and after that Naomi and I went round to see Mum, Leo and Auntie Meryl.

When we arrived at Mum and Auntie Meryl's we walked in on the two of them having an argument about one of Mum's one-night stands walking in on Auntie Meryl when she was sat on the loo. "You don't expect some random bloke to walk in on you when you're having a sh*t!" Auntie Meryl snapped. "Why didn't you lock the door you silly cow?" snapped Mum. "I shouldn't have to the lock the bathroom door in my own house," snapped Auntie Meryl, "You treat this house like a knocking shop, you filthy old whore." "Listen, Meryl," said Mum, "Just cos you've got a dried-up old f*nny that's covered in cobwebs doesn't mean it has to be like that for all of us." "I'll have you know I have an intimate wash with a Johnson's wet wipe every day down there," said Auntie Meryl. Mum and Auntie Meryl eventually stopped fighting and we all managed to have a nice civil chat whilst I also spent some time with Leo. I told Mum and Auntie Meryl about yesterday's art class and about going to the hospital with Nikki tomorrow.