Luke's Diary: An Unlucky Man In A Zombie Apocalypse. Entries 957 - 1157

Entry 1125: Saturday 26th October 2019

Entry 1125
Saturday 26th October 2019

I haven't seen Naomi today. She came round but I told Mum to tell her I wasn't well and that I'd see her later. I know I can't keep avoiding her, but I just don't feel ready to face her yet after what I overheard her saying to Roz yesterday.

When I woke up this morning the first thing, I did was check my sheets and the towel that I had slept on. It was dry. I hadn't wet myself. I don't get it. Why am I wetting myself when I sleep in Naomi's bed but not in my own? It doesn't make any sense. Maybe nerves are getting the better of me, but I don't feel nervous when I'm in bed with Naomi. Maybe I'm nervous and I just don't realise it.

Once Mum had got rid of Naomi, she asked me what was going on. "Nothing's going on," I firmly said, "Stop asking me questions." Well, something's going on," said Mum, "I'm not stupid. One minute you two are as thick as thieves, the next you're avoiding her." "I'm not avoiding her," I angrily said, "I just don't feel well." "B*llocks," said Mum, "There's something you're not telling me." "Well, if that was true," I said, "It's probably because there's something I don't want you to know." "Ah, so there is something going on," said Mum, "What is it?  Are you crap in bed? Has she told you, you can't satisfy her?" "God, will you f*ck off?" I snapped, "Why do you have to assume that every problem I have is because of some sort of insecurity I've got." "Well, have you had sex with her?" asked Mum. "That's none of your business," I firmly said. "Oh my God, you haven't, have you?" gasped Mum, sounding all shocked, "Oh, Sausage, no wonder you're having problems." "We're not having problems," I snapped. "If you don't drop your bucket in the well, you're never going to ger any water," said Mum, "Do you want me to speak to Naomi?" "No!" I loudly said, "I don't want you getting involved at all." "You were like this in school," said Mum, "You never could get a girlfriend, and the ones you did go out with for a bit ended up dumping you." "How the Hell would you know?" I asked, "You were hardly there." "Sausage, if you're having trouble with your sex life, your mother can help you," said Mum. "I never said I was having trouble with my sex life," I said. "Yeah, but it's obvious you are," said Mum, "Now here's a tip for you. The cliterous is..." "LA! LA! LA! LA! LA! LA! LA! LA! LA! LA! LA! LA!" I loudly said, "Mum, I am not having a conversation with you about my sex life. Everything's fine. I just feel a bit ill, and I want some time on my own to chill." "Maybe Naomi doesn't want to have sex with you because she thinks you can't satisfy her," said Mum, "If you don't want to talk to me about it, I could put you in touch with a bloke I know. He knows how to satisfy a woman. He could give you tips. Man to man." "Mum," I firmly said, "This conversation is over. Stop talking." I wasn't going to go into details with Mum and I certainly wasn't going to tell her about me wetting the bed.

I've been having a think and I'm wondering if there's anything I can do to make my nob bigger. It's not small, not matter what anyone says, but maybe it could do with being a bit bigger. If Naomi is able to look at me and NOT think that I have a "little willy" she might find me more sexually attractive and think that I can satisfy her. I just don't know how I go about making my nob bigger. Maybe I should see if I can speak to a doctor. They might be able to do some tests to see if I am wetting myself without knowing it. Going to the gym might help. If I beef up and bulk up, I might look more masculine and that might help our sex life.

I don't want to keep avoiding Naomi though. I just want to be able to stand naked in front of her and not have her thinking I'm an annoying man with a "little willy" who wets the bed...