Luke's Diary: An Unlucky Man In A Zombie Apocalypse. Entries 957 - 1157

Entry 1080: Wednesday 11th September 2019

Entry 1080
Wednesday 11th September 2019

Nikki is really getting on my f*cking nerves.

After an un eventful day working at The Hive, I came home to find Nikki in the living room, sat on the sofa watching another DVD. "Alright?" I asked. "Fine!" snapped Nikki in an arsey tone. "Hmm, it sounds it," I sarcastically said, "At least you're talking now." "Are you going to continue making smart arsed comments, or cut to the chase and apologise?" snapped Nikki. "Apologise?" I said, "What do you mean, apologise?" I asked. "It means saying sorry, Luke," said Nikki. "Yes," I firmly said, "I know what apologise means. Who's making smart arsed comments now. Are you saying I need to apologise to you for something?" Nikki picked up the remote control, pointed it at the TV, turned off the DVD and then slammed the remote control back down on the table. "Yes!" Nikki, loudly snaped as she turned and give me a furious stare, "That's exactly what I'm saying. I mean, Jesus Christ, come on, Luke." "What do you mean, 'come on Luke'?" I snapped, "What am I supposed to have done now?" "My God, you really are oblivious to the harm you cause, aren't you?" said Nikki. "OK," I said, "Let's rewind a bit here. What exactly am I supposed to have done?" "God, Luke, isn't it obvious?" said Nikki. "No," I firmly said, "Look Nikki, I'm not playing these stupid games. Either tell me what I'm supposed to have done, or shut up. I'm not getting sucked into your messed up mind games." "Luke!" snapped Nikki, standing up off the sofa, "You sat me down at that table and spoke to me like I was a child. I'm not going to put up with that, and then to make things worse, you could see that I was p*ssed off yesterday, and what did you do? Say sorry? No. Explain? No. Ask me how I was feeling? No. You just pretended everything was OK and just let me walk off upstairs. I laid on my bed waiting for you to come up and see if I was alright – waiting for you to come up and say sorry, but no. You just sat down here ignoring me." "Are you for f*cking real?" I snapped. "Excuse me?" snapped Nikki. "You're having a go at me because I tried to talk to you to establish some ground rules?" I said, "You're snapping at me because I didn't come chasing after you when you stormed off upstairs like a stroppy teenager?" "You should have come up and seen that I was OK," said Nikki, "You know I've tried to take an overdose before." "Oh, so now you're giving emotional blackmail a go, are you?" I said, "No. I'm not having this sh*t. I sat you down at that table and tried to talk to you. If it sounded like I was talking to you like you're a child, that's because you act like a child. If you want to storm off upstairs in a huff, then that's fine with me. What's not fine with me is you expecting me to come and check on you. How can you have a go at me for treating you like a child, and then follow that by behaving exactly like a child. I'm not your Dad. I'm not your boyfriend anymore, and I'm not even your friend. It's not my job to check on you when you walk off in a mood. Grow up...Oh, and you didn't take that overdose last time because you wanted to die. You did it because you wanted attention and to play your f*cked up mind games. You need to stop this Nikki. If we're going to live together, we need to acknowledge that we have our own lives. What's it going to be like when the baby comes?" "Maybe you should think about your behaviour and the example it's going to set for our child," said Nikki. I was furious. I was on the edge of having a right go at Nikki, but then I remembered that ignoring her and not snapping back seemed to work before, so I decided to adopt that response. "Do you know what," I said, desperately biting my tongue, "I'm not getting sucked into this. Think what you want. I'm off to go cook some food."

I walked into the kitchen and the place was a mess. The sink was full of plates, pots, pans and cutlery. I gave a frustrated sigh and felt my frustration with Nikki increasing. I then walked over to the cupboards, opened the doors and discovered that there were no plates of bowls left. My frustration continued to increase. I opened the drawer where we keep the cutlery and discovered that it was empty. There were no knives, forks or spoons. It was completely empty. Gritting my teeth and with my nostrils flared I walked back into the living room. "What the f*ck is that?" I snapped at Nikki, pointing towards the kitchen. "It's called a kitchen, Luke," said Nikki with a smug grin on her face. "Don't start," I snapped, "There's no plates, or knifes and forks left. What have you been doing? I left this house this morning and there was still cutlery in the drawer and crockery in the cupboards, and now there's nothing." "Luke, I have been eating things whilst you were at work," said Nikki, "That means I've been using the plates and cutlery. Jesus, Luke, be reasonable." "Reasonable!" I exclaimed, "It looks like you've been cooking for a f*cking coach party out there, not just you. You're just doing this to be vindictive. There's no way you've needed to use every single plate, bowl, knife, fork and spoon. What am I supposed to eat off?" "Well, Luke," said a smug Nikki, "As you say, you run your life and I run mine. It's really not my problem what you do or don't eat off." "There is something wrong with your brain," I said, "What sort of person puts all the pots, and, plates and cutlery in the sink and covers them in cr*p to stop someone else from eating." "I'm not stopping you from eating," said Nikki, "There's food in the fridge." "And what am I supposed to cook it in?" I snapped, "The sink is full of dirty pans and messed up baking trays." "Well, wash them up," said Nikki, "I'm not stopping you. The only person who's stopping you from washing up a plate and pan is you." I was about to snap at Nikki, but I once again bit my tongue and stayed silent. I walked into the hallway and staretd to put my coat. "What are you doing?" asked Nikki, "Where are you going?" "Out!" I loudly snapped. "Out where?" asked Nikki, "When will you be back?" "When I f*cking feel like it!" I loudly snapped.

I stormed out of the house, went to The Beach Café, and after having some food, I went for a walk on the beach. I cleared my head and when I came back home, I saw Nikki sat in the living room. She turned and looked at me as I hung my coat. I gave her a p*ssed off look and then stormed off upstairs.

The woman is driving me mad. I know that she is doing all of this to get a response out of me and that I need to resist the urge to snap at her but it's getting harder and harder. It's like her behaviour is getting more and more irritating as the days go by. I'm finding it increasingly difficult to bite my tongue and keep a lid on my anger. The problem is if I don't find an outlet for my anger, I can see me exploding with fury and taking my anger out on the wrong person at the wrong time. The thing is, I'm not going out of my way to make things difficult for Nikki, but she IS going out of her way to make things difficult for me. Maybe we need to have another chat, but it didn't work before, so it probably won't work again.

Maybe Mum's right. Maybe I should move back to Cowes... But I don't want to miss being here when the baby kicks and all that sort of stuff.