Luke's Diary: An Unlucky Man In A Zombie Apocalypse. Entries 957 - 1157

Entry 973: Monday 27th May 2019

Entry 973
Monday 27th May 2019

I stayed over at Nikki's last night. Had some good sex. Get in! I'm still p*ssed off with Naomi but I think I've come up with a plan.

I took the morning off work. F*ck it! Nikki and I took Leo for a stroll on the beach. The weather was cr*p and we all got a bit wet, but it was worth it. We had a lovely morning together. "Have you decided what you're going to do about Naomi?" Nikki asked. "Not sure," I said, "I'm still p*ssed of with her. I can't believe she hit you." "Yeah, it did come out of the blue," said Nikki, "I can't believe she's lying about it." "She's complex," I said, "Always has been. She hit someone in the head with an axe once. Killed them, just like that. All because she was talking about a rat and Naomi thought it was something to do with the ACROBAT lot." "God," said Nikki, "Sounds like she's dangerous." "I used to think that," I said, "She's calmed down since then, but yesterday just goes to show what she's capable of." "Well, I certainly don't want to be in her company again if I can help it," said Nikki. "Well, like I say, I still think she owes you an apology," I said. "Luke, come on," said Nikki, "Don't be stupid. She's not going to apologise to me. She tried to get you to think that I bust my own lip." "Yeah, well I'm going to have a word with her," I said, "If she doesn't apologise to you, I won't be happy." "Yeah, well let's just focus on me, you and Leo having a nice day today," said Nikki. Nikki and I continued to spend the morning walking along the beach, playing with Leo and enjoying each other's company.

Later in the day I met with Sci-Fi Cyn at Sails Café. We had a chat and I told her all about Naomi hitting Niki and having a go at her. "So, Naomi just lashed out at Nikki?" asked a confused Sci-Fi Cyn. "Looks that way doesn't it," I said. "Hmm," said Sci-Fi Cyn, raising her eyebrows "It certainly does LOOK that way." "What's that suppose to mean?" I asked, "Why are you raising your eyebrows like that?" "Well, you've known Naomi a lot longer than Nikki," said Sci-Fi Cyn. "So?" I said. "So, do you really think Naomi is the sort of person to lie like this?" "She's lied before about stuff," I said. "Yes, but not about this sort of stuff," she said, "Come on, Luke. If Naomi had punched Nikki, she'd have told you to your face." "Are you saying Nikki's lying?" I snapped. "I'm just saying that it might be useful to consider all perspectives," said Sci-Fi Cyn. "Christ," I said, rolling my eyes, "It's like people don't want me to be happy." "Oh, Luke," said Sci-Fi Cyn, "Don't be silly, of course we want you to be happy, but we don't want you to fall out with Naomi for the sake of a relationship with a woman you hardly know." "Hardly know!?" I loudly exclaimed, "She's my girlfriend. I really like her. I feel like I've known her ages. Leo thinks she's great too." "I am just saying that you and Naomi have been through a lot," said Sci-Fi Cyn, "It would be a shame to ruin a good friendship." "She's the one ruining a friendship," I firmly said, "Throwing her weight around, insulting and assaulting my girlfriend. Maybe that's not the sort of friendship I want." I stood up, picked up my mug and slurped my tea. "What are you doing?" asked Sci-Fi Cyn. "Sorry, but I'm going home," I said, "I'm in a bad mood now." "Oh, Luke, don't go in a mood with me," said Sci-Fi Cyn. "I'm not in a mood with you," I firmly said, "I just need a bit of thinking time." I then left the café and to be honest I was in a bit of a mood with Sci-Fi Cyn. It was like she was implying Nikki was lying.

When I got home, I walked in on Mum and Auntie Meryl having an argument. "Right," I firmly snapped, interrupting them both, "I don't know what you two are arguing about and I don't care. Just knock it off cos I'm not in the mood." "Well, I wasn't in the mood to be left alone last night with this mad old woman and your infant son," said Mum, "But I didn't have a choice." "That's rich coming from you, you tarty old slapper," said Auntie Meryl, "You left Luke on his own whilst you went off galivanting." "I am not going to spend the rest of my life being sorry for a mistake, "said Mum. "Well it would be nice if you spent more than five minutes being sorry," said Auntie Meryl. "Oh God," I said, sighing and rolling my eyes, "Will you both please just shut the f*ck up?" "What's wrong with you?" snapped Auntie Meryl, "Has your face seen your arse?" "He'll be in a mood because Nikki's not talking to him," said Mum. "Actually," I said, "Me and Nikki are back together and it's going great." "What's the problem then?" asked Mum. I sat down on the armchair and told Mum and Auntie Meryl what was going on. "That Naomi's always been a loose cannon," said Mum. "Whereas you've always been a loose slapper," said Auntie Meryl. "Sci-Fi Cyn thinks that Naomi might be telling the truth and that she never did hit Nikki." "Well, how does she think Nikki got her cut lip?" asked Mum. "I think she reckons Nikki did to herself," I said. "Nikki wouldn't hit herself in the face," said Mum, "Why would she do that?" "Nikki?" said Auntie Meryl, "Now is that a boy or a girl?" "It's a girl," I said, "Well, a woman. Come on Auntie Meryl, you know this. You met her when we were trapped in the pantry in the community centre." "There was just me and you in there," said Auntie Meryl. "No," I said, "I don't mean actually inside the pantry, I mean when we got rescued." Auntie Meryl looked confused. "Right..." said Auntie Meryl, "And now she's hitting herself in the face?" "No!" I loudly said, "Well... That's what Naomi said and it's obviously what Sci-Fi Cyn thinks, but why the Hell would Nikki hit herself in the face?" "My friend Betty Crack once had a big wart on the end of her nose," said Auntie Meryl, "It was like a second head growing. She thought punching herself in the face would get rid of it. She ended up with a bloody nose and two black eyes." "Maybe you should try talking to Naomi?" said Mum. "The wart got bigger an 'all," said Auntie Meryl. "It's Naomi that needs to apologise to Nikki," I said, "She was meant to help not cause all this sh*t." "It had to be drained in the end," Auntie Meryl, "The wart. Some sort of surgical procedure. I was there when she had it done. Horrible." "Look, sausage," said Mum, "Nikki is a nice girl, and lads like you that are average to below average looking, don't get girls like this often, so you need to make sure you don't f*ck it up." "How the Hell am I f*cking it up?" I snapped. "All this white puss and gooey liquid just poured out of it," said Auntie Meryl, "It was like watching a load of cream seep out of a chocolate éclair." "You've got a girlfriend now," said Mum, "You don't go hanging around with another woman when you're spoken for." "God, you make it sound so sordid," I said, "I haven't done anything wrong. We're not all like you, you know?" "I paid nearly £3 once for a chocolate éclair," said Auntie Meryl, "I must have been not right in my head." "I'm just saying don't mess this up," said Mum, "You need to get this sorted. Maybe think about seeing less of Naomi. If Nikki dumps you then you'll be back to being overweight, alone, single and useless, and none of us want that." "Yeah, that's right," I said, throwing my hands up in the air in a mood, "It's all my fault isn't it? How stupid of me to think I can be friends with a woman whilst I've got a girlfriend. God, I'm an idiot, aren't I? I mean, who would want to look twice at a loser like me?" "I never called you a loser," said Mum. "I just fancy a chocolate éclair now," said Auntie Meryl. "Oh, will you both just p*ss off!" I loudly snapped. I then stormed upstairs in a mood feeling angry that no one was saying anything helpful.

Later in the evening when Mum was out, I was sat on the sofa with Leo. The front door opened, and Auntie Meryl walked in. She'd just been to bingo. "Bl**dy annoying," she said, as she came and sat on the sofa, "Two fat ladies." "Is that what you needed for a full house?" I asked. "Eh?" said Auntie Meryl, "No. There were two fat ladies stood at the end of the street blocking my path. Big fat heffers wouldn't move." "How was bingo?" I asked. "The usual," said Auntie Meryl, "How's Leo been?" "Fine," I glumly said. "What's up with your voice?" asked Auntie Meryl. "I'm just fed up," I said. "What about?" asked Auntie Meryl. "About what we were talking about earlier," I said. "Chocolate eclairs?" asked Auntie Meryl. "No, not bl**dy chocolate eclairs," I said, "Nikki and Naomi." "That film from the seventies with Columbo in it?" asked Auntie Meryl. "You're thinking of 'Mikey and Nicky'," I said. "Who are they?" asked Auntie Meryl. "Oh, forget it," I said, "I don't know why I bother talking to anyone on this f*cking island? No one helps me. Nothing works out." "Now listen to me Luke Warm," said Auntie Meryl with a firm voice, "Stop feeling sorry for yourself. Be a man and take action. All this talk about no one helping you. Help yourself and stop moaning you whinging little toe rag. Nothing works out? Load of old sh*te. You've been through Hell you have, and look at you; still here, surrounded by your loved ones, a lovely little son and you're still alive. If you think that means nothing works out, you need to get your head tested." "I'm just p*ssed off with Naomi," I said. "Then tell her, not me," said Auntie Meryl. "She knows I'm p*ssed off with her," I said. "Right, then," said Auntie Meryl, "So, what are you going on about it for?" "Oh, I don't know," I said, "I just want everyone to get on." "That's not the world we live in," said Auntie Meryl, "Some of us get on. Some of us don't. That's just the way it is." "If Naomi could just apologise to Nikki, I really think we could move past this," I said. "Right," said Auntie Meryl, rolling her sleeves up, "Bottom line. Naomi will say sorry or she won't. If she says sorry, then the problem is more or less sorted. The question you need to ask yourself is what will you do if she refuses to say sorry?" "I don't know," I said. "Well, that's something you need to think about," said Auntie Meryl.

Auntie Meryl's rare but useful display of wisdom made me think. I do need to take control. When I took control yesterday and told Naomi to apologise to Nikki, Nikki liked it, so maybe me taking control is something I need to do more of. I've come to a decision; I'm going to see Naomi tomorrow and tell her that I think we all need to make an effort to get on, and that I think the right thing to do in order to help make that happen, is for her to apologise to Nikki. If she refuses... Well... I guess Naomi will have made my decision for me about how we move forward...