Luke's Diary: An Unlucky Man In A Zombie Apocalypse. Entries 957 - 1157

Entry 1018: Thursday 11th July 2019

Entry 1018
Thursday 11th July 2019

I had a very intense and rather odd chat with Blade today...

I was walking along Cowes Beach with Mum who was telling me I either needed to sort things out with Nikki or leave her. I made it very clear that I had no intentions of leaving her, and that I was sure we could sort everything out. "Well I think you're off your head," said Mum, "Just cos she's a woman, you know it doesn't make it OK for her to batter you." "Oh, stop exaggerating, she hasn't battered me," I said. "Cowering on the floor whilst she hits you with a magazine," said Mum, "Chucking a plate and a carriage clock at your head. I'd call that getting battered." "Well, to be honest Mum," I said, "I don't care what you think. Do you really think you're the best person to be giving me advice on relationships?" "Yes," said Mum, "I've had lots of relationships." "I don't call bouncing up and down on a number of random men, relationships," I said. "Well, you're hardly an expert," said Mum, "I heard that Esther was a right b*tch, that bird called Eve was married to a psycho that wanted to kill you, Catherine was feeding people to her infected husband, Natasha only went on a date to get information out of you, you turned Caroline into a big lezza, and Nikki's kicking the sh*t out of you." "I love how you make me feel so good about myself," I bluntly and sarcastically said, "Anyway, Nikki isn't kicking the sh*t out of me. Jesus, stop going on." "Well I'll tell you what I do know," said Mum, "You're not going to get things sorted out walking on this beach with me are you?" "I'm just giving Nikki some time to calm down," I said. "B*llocks," said Mum, "You're avoiding her because you're scared of her." "Shut up," I snapped, "I'm not scared of her." "Prove it," said Mum, "Move out of Mike, TJ and Trudy's, stop moping around in Cowes feeling sorry for yourself, get back to Sandown and either dump Nikki or sort it out."

As Mum and I continued walking I noticed Blade a few metres ahead sat on a rock looking sorry for himself. "Oooh, look," said Mum, "There's Jon. God, he's gorgeous." "He looks sad," I said. "Does he look like he's been crying?" asked Mum. "I'm not sure," I said, "I can't tell." "I'll put a smile on his face," said Mum, in a flirty tone, "Tears won't be the bodily liquid he'll be secreting after five minutes with me – if you know what I mean." "Yes," I bluntly said, "I do know what you mean." "I'm on about his spunk," said Mum. "Yes, I know!" I exclaimed, "Look, you just go home. I'm going to have a chat with him." "Oh, that's right," said a displeased Mum, "Get me out of the way so you can wind him up some more. It's Nikki you should be speaking to not Jon."

Mum reluctantly left and I walked over to Jon. With a sad look on his face, I could see he was staring at a picture he was holding in his hand. "Alright, Jon," I said. He seemed surprised to see me; as if he'd been caught doing something he shouldn't be. He quickly composed himself and placed the photo in his top pocket. He looked like he hadn't slept in ages. "Oh, Luke," he said, "I didn't think many people came to this end of the beach." "I was just out for a walk with my Mum," I said, "You know she fancies you." "Does she?" said Blade. "Don't worry," I giggled, "I'll try and keep her on a lead." "Hmm," said Blade, appearing disinterested. An awkward silence followed. "Well?" said a firm Blade, "Did you want something?" "Jon, what's going on?" I plainly said. "What do you mean?" Blade asked. "Come on," I said, "You're stressed, you're snapping at people... To be honest you look like sh*t." "You don't exactly look like much of an oil painting yourself," said Blade. "I'm not the one in charge of this island," I said. "Exactly," said Blade, "If you had to cope with what I had to cope with, maybe you'd look like sh*t too." "Maybe you should take a break?" I said. "A break?" said Blade, frowning like I was some sort of idiot who had made a stupid suggestion. "Yeah," I said, "Jon, you were bang out of order with Auntie Meryl yesterday." "What do you care?" said Blade, "I heard you're not even talking to her." "Yeah, well that doesn't mean I can stand by and watch a big bloke having a go at her," I said. "I wasn't having a go at her," said Blade. "You were towering over her, trying to snatch her bag off her," I said. "No, it wasn't like that," said Blade. "Well, that's how it looked," I said, "Why don't you tell me what it WAS like." "I don't have to explain myself to you," said Blade. "You do when you're having a go at my Auntie," I said, "What did you want with her. God, Jon, she's a pensioner; an old woman." "Look," said a firm Blade, "There's a lot going on you don't know Luke. I can't explain things, but I'm trying to put things right." "Put things, right?" I said, frowning with confusion, "What do you mean?" "Do you know how much work I have to do?" said Blade, "Do you know how much of my time is taken up with Natasha's QCUC proposals... and that's before I do all the work I need to do around the safety and security of this island... and before you say it's my own stupid fault for entertaining the ideas Natasha came up with – I know! I f*cking know that Luke, so the last thing I need right now is a smart arse like you saying 'I told you so'." Blade put his face in his hands as he gave a depressing and tired sigh. I wasn't sure what to say. Another awkward silence lingered. "I never thought I'd be in this position," said Blade, "Stuck on the Isle of Wight, trying to keep people safe whilst protecting infected." "I don't think any of us expected to be living on an island in the midst of a huge outbreak," I said. "Yes, but you've got your friends and family," said Blade, "Your mum, your girlfriend, your son. Who have I got? Does anyone even care? Does anyone give a second thought to who's there for me?" "You're close to Helen and Cyn aren't you?" I said. "We get on," said Blade, "But I wouldn't say we were close. I wouldn't say I'm close to anyone." "I suppose we all think you can take care of yourself," I said. "Hmm," said Blade, "I suppose I can most of the time. It's what my GRID training tells me to do, but I'm a human being before I'm a soldier. Mind you, as each day goes by, I feel more like a soldier and less like a human. I don't even know what makes someone human anymore. I don't know what makes me human." "I saw you looking at a photo," I said, "Someone special?" Blade produced the photo from his top pocket. It was a picture of him sat on a sofa with a young woman with short dark hair. They were both smiling at the camera as they took a selfie. "Kayleigh," said Blade, "My partner." "You lost her, didn't you?" I said. "Did you ever wonder if Natasha had a point?" asked Blade. "What do you mean?" I asked. "Well, Helen and the GRID scientists are working on a cure," said Blade, "Can you imagine how cruel it would be if we killed someone who became infected and a day later a cure was developed." "Well, yeah," I said, "But come on. Is there ever going to be a cure?" "Helen's doing her best," said Blade, "And Trudy's going to GRID HQ nearly every day to give blood and take part in tests to see if her blood can help develop a cure. Of course, I know what would really help us in developing a cure." "What?" I asked. "Releasing Endo from prison," said Blade, "His knowledge, his skills, his experience. All of that would be a huge help in developing a cure." "Yeah, but you and Endo want different things, don't you?" I said, "Endo wants to develop the virus so it can make humans immortal and fight off all diseases or some sh*t like that. You want to wipe the virus off the face of the Earth." "That's one of the reasons I haven't released him from prison," said Blade, "That, and the fact that he can't be trusted. If there was some way I could get Endo to help us develop a cure..." "He won't help you," I said, "I think when Mia died, he stopped caring." "Really?" said Blade, "I'm not so sure. Harold Endo has only ever cared about two things; his daughter and the virus. When Mia died, he put ALL his remaining energy into the virus. Well... He put all his energy into telling me that he'd never help me find a cure." Again, Blade despairingly put his head in his hands. "Jon, maybe you should take a break for a while," I said, "It's pretty obvious you're struggling to cope." This was clearly the wrong thing to say because got rather angry. "What the f*ck do you know about it?" he angrily snapped. "What?" I said, sounding shocked. "Look at you", said Blade, "Stood there in judgement, giving advice. You should sort you own life out. I heard you're back in Cowes because your girlfriend chucked you out." "I'm just trying to help," I said. "What? By saying I'm struggling to cope!?" exclaimed, "You think that's helping me. You don't want to help. You want to meddle and interfere. Well I don't need your meddling or interference. F*cking Hell – I'm in charge of this island. I'm the head of safety and security. I don't need you telling me I need to take a break. You don't have any authority over me!" "Jon, I'm sorry you lost your partner, Kayleigh," I said, "But..." "Don't you mention her name!" Blade angrily snapped, interrupting me as he stood up and took an intimidating step closer to me, "Don't mention her name ever..." A tense silence followed. "I tried to save her you know?" said Blade. "Err... Yeah..." I said, "I'm sure you did." "There's so much you don't f*cking know," snapped Blade. "OK..." I said, feeling confused and uncertain. "Standing there, making out I need help," snapped Blade, "I don't need any f*cking help. Certainly not from you. You think I can't cope? I can cope." "Jon, there's nothing wrong with asking for help," I said. "I DON'T NEED ANY F*CKING HELP!" Blade angrily yelled. I took a step back and felt rather nervous. "That's what everyone thinks of me isn't it?" said Blade, "A pathetic man who can't cope, is struggling to keep a grip of things and needs help." "Well...No," I said, "I..." "He couldn't stop his partner from being infected, so what chance has he got of keeping he rest of us safe. That's what people think isn't it!?" "No," I said. "I'm doing the best I can," snapped Blade, "I did the best I could to keep Kayleigh safe. It wasn't my fault. That's why I was pressuring your Auntie Meryl – to keep people safe. Don't you get it? I couldn't keep Kayleigh safe so now I'm doing all I can to keep everyone else safe." "You pressured Auntie Meryl to keep everyone safe?" I said, feeling utterly confused, "What are you talking about? That doesn't make any sense." "Forget it," said Blade, "Forget I said anything." Blade then walked off towards GRID HQ. "What the f*ck was that all about?" I said to myself.

When I got back to Mike, Trudy and TJ's, I told them about my encounter with Blade. "I'm not surprised," Trudy bluntly said, "I think he's been losing the plot for a while now. When I go to GRID HQ and give them my blood and do all those tests, I've seen Blade walking up and down the corridor. Face like absolute sh*te. That's what stress does to you, you know? I once shared a hotel room with this woman... Well... It was more a prison cell really. Anyway, she used to get stressed and all her hair used to fall out." "God, that sounds awful," I said. "Not really," said Trudy, "Whenever there was a prison riot and every set fire to their bedding, we'd use the silly cow's hair to stuff the new pillows with. Every cloud..." "Blade's been losing the plot for ages," said TJ, "He's one tit short of a full cleavage." "He was acting really odd," I said, "God knows what he meant when he said he was trying to keep people safe when he was having a go at Auntie Meryl. How is getting all aggressive with a pensioner going to help keep people safe? Silly sod." "Anyway," said Trudy, "Enough about Blade and him going a bit potty, when are you going to sod off back to Sandown and sort things out with your psycho girlfriend?" "She's not a psycho," I bluntly said. "You don't have to go back to Sandown," said Mike, "You could stay here. I've started doing some voluntary work reading to some of the old people in Cowes and playing table tennis and cards with them at the community centre. You should come along. We could do it together. It'll be fun." "Mike, I think Trudy's right," I said. "About Nikki being a psycho?" asked Mike. "No," I bluntly said, "I mean about me needing to sort things out with Nikki."

Interestingly enough, when I was walking to Sainsbury's to get some bits and bobs, I bumped into Madeline and Richard which presented me with an unexpected potential solution to my problem with Nikki. Roz had told them that Nikki and I were having a few ups and downs and Madeline told me that she'd be happy to act as a mediator between us. "A mediator?" I said. "That's right, Elizabeth," said Madeline, "It's sort of like a God-fearing Christian Counsellor who helps two people communicate and resolve their differences." "Yeah, I know what a mediator is," I bluntly said. "I would just be all too happy to help to help y'all out," said Madeline, "It is an incredible shame when a young... Well... young-ish, couple struggle to get on, but you know I am certainly not one to judge. The only one who is fit to judge is our mighty fine Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ. I mean some would say enduring violence from a woman makes you less of a man. Some would say that when there are physical altercations in a relationship, the relationship is doomed. Some would say that when you lie to your partner and tell her you love her when you don't, you're going to spend eternity burning for your sins in the flames of Hell fire... But you know I am most certainly not that judgemental. My Dicky here will tell you I'm the most open-minded person you'll ever meet. Isn't that right Dicky?" Richard was about to say something, but Madeline talked over him. "Yes, indeedy that's right," said Madeline, "Dicky do you remember when I used to mediate between that old married couple Mr and Mrs Henshaw. Do you remember?" "I remember that Mr Henshaw blocked our toilet, and that Mrs Henshaw spat when she spoke," Richard glumly said. "Oh, will you listen to him," chucked Madeline, "He's off again with his jokes. You know, I can never get him to be serious." "Could you really help?" I asked Madeline. "I believe I surely can," said Madeline. "OK," I said, "Well if you've done this sort of thing before I'll have a think about it." I appreciated Madeline's offer, but I think I have to think about it some more. I'm not sure her whacky over-the-top approach will help, but another part of me thinks it might be good to at least give it a try.

In other and stranger news Maureen the cow is still here. Mike thinks that we should milk it so we get fresh milk every day. That cow is massive. There's no way I'm going anywhere near the massive moo's udders.