Luke's Diary: An Unlucky Man In A Zombie Apocalypse. Entries 957 - 1157

Entry 1072: Tuesday 3rd September 2019

Entry 1072
Tuesday 3rd September 2019

It's been an exhausting day, and I still don't know what I'm going to do about Nikki.

When I woke up, and walked downstairs, and into the living room with Leo, Mum was sat with Naomi having a cuppa tea. "Morning," I said in a glum tone. "Morning sausage," said Mum, "Are you OK? Did you sleep alright?" "Up and down," I said, "I think my head's still spinning." "I just wanted to pop round and see how you are." said Naomi. "Well, I've been better," I said. "I'll bet," said Naomi. "I can't believe she's going to have my kid," I said. "I can't believe you weren't more careful," said Mum, "Haven't you heard of condoms?" "Seriously?" I said, "Contraception advice from you?" "I'm not the one going around chucking my muck up every Tom, Dick and Nikki," said Mum, "I only have one child thank you very much and that's you. I was always careful with contraception. Anyway, it's not advice, its criticism, you silly sod. You should have used protection." "Thank you, Mum," I firmly said, "I know that now, don't I!" "You should have known it then," snaped Mum. "Well, my Mum was never around to teach me about the birds and the bees," I snapped. Oh, that's right," exclaimed Mum, "It's my bl**dy fault. Getting the bad Mum card out, again, are you? I suppose it's my fault she kicked the sh*t out of you an all isn't it?" "Lynn!" exclaimed Naomi. "He needs telling, Naomi," Mum snapped. "Criticising him and having a go isn't going to help, is it?" said Naomi. "If she keeps that kid, you'll be stuck with that vicious little b*tch for the rest of your life," said Mum. "What do you mean IF?" I asked. "I'm talking about a termination," said Mum. "Mum!" I gasped. "Oh, shut up," said Mum, "It's an option. A bl**dy good one. Don't rule it out. I'm sure the hospital still does them." "Mum, that's your grandchild," I angrily snapped, "Yes, Nikki might be a nightmare, but that's a little baby I'm talking about. My baby!" "Well, you need to decide what you're going to do," said Mum. "I don't know," I said, "I suppose, I'll do the right thing." "Pull the baby out of her, whack her over the head with it and push her into the sea?" said Mum, "I think that would be the right thing to do." "No," I said, "I mean support her. Stand by her." "Stand by her?" exclaimed Mum, "It's not the 1950s anymore." "Mum, I don't mean I'm going to marry her," I said, "I mean I'm going to be there for her whilst she's pregnant." "I still think she might be lying," said Naomi. "Naomi, I looked her in the eyes," I said, "She's not lying. Anyway, I think having a pregnancy test AND a scan picture means she IS pregnant." "Rubbish," said Mum, "I could have a c*ck in one hand and a b*llock in another. Doesn't make me man." "OK," I said, "First of all that's disgusting, and second, that's the not the same thing." "I think it would make more sense to say something like you could have a fish in one hand and a rod in the other and that wouldn't mean you know how to go fishing," said Naomi. "I've had a few rods in my hand," giggled Mum. "Jesus," I said, "Can you stop with all the sexual innuendos. I've got a problem here and your sexual CV is not helping." "Well, you got yourself into this mess, didn't you?" snapped Mum. "Oh, Mum just f*ck off, will you?" I snapped, "If you can't say anything helpful, don't say anything at all." I grabbed my coat and started getting Leo ready. "Where are you going?" Mum asked. "I'm going to take Leo to see Auntie Meryl," I said. "Well, she won't be happy," said Mum, "She'll sh*t a brick when you tell her you've got that b*tch pregnant." "I'll come with you," said Naomi, "I've got the car outside. I'll give you a lift."

On the car journey to the hospital Naomi could see I was p*ssed off. "Just ignore your Mum," said Naomi, "You know what she's like." "There's no consistency to her," I said, "She was great when I left Niki, and now she goes back to being a tw*t. Anyway, it's not her I'm really bothered about. I don't know what I'm going to do about Nikki, and I'm dreading telling Auntie Meryl." "Oh, she'll be OK," said Naomi, "Once she gets over the shock, she'll be fine." "I just don't know what I'm going to," I said, "What do you think I should do?" "Oh, Luke, I can't tell you what to do," said Naomi, "This has got to be your decision." "What would you do if you were me?" I asked. "Well, first of all, I'd be wanting more proof than a scan picture and a pregnancy test to see that she is actually pregnant," said Naomi. "Then what?" I asked, "What do I do then?" "Well, I guess the question is, do you want another child?" asked Naomi. "I haven't really thought about it," I said, "It's just not something that's been on my mind. Me and Nikki haven't really talked about it. Mind you, let's be honest; what I want doesn't matter does it? It's all about what Nikki wants. It's her body." "Luke, it might be her body, but it's not just her baby," said Naomi, "You have a say too... Hang on... I've just thought... What if it's not your baby?" "You think it could be someone else's?" I asked. "I think it's possible," said Naomi, "She hasn't got a good track record of telling the truth, has she? If I were you, I'd be finding out that she's definitely pregnant, and that she's definitely pregnant with YOUR baby." "Oh, God," I said, "I never even thought of that. Sh*t, this is all messing with my head." "Well from how she acted yesterday I think it's fair to say that Nikki wants to keep this baby," said Naomi, "That's if there actually IS a baby." "For f*cks sake," I moaned. "Look," said Naomi, "Let's deal with one problem at a time. Auntie Meryl first yeah?"