Luke's Diary: An Unlucky Man In A Zombie Apocalypse. Entries 957 - 1157

Entry 1086: Tuesday 17th September 2019

Entry 1086
Tuesday 17th September 2019

I saw Naomi today. We had a rather awkward chat.

After not really getting much sleep, I woke up, went downstairs and just sat in the living room staring into space and feeling sorry for myself. I felt so down but I also felt angry. After a while Nikki came down the stairs and appeared in the living room. "And what's up with your moody face?" she asked. "Just f*ck off," I snapped. "I beg your pardon!?" exclaimed Nikki. I stood up from the sofa, faced Nikki and looked her right in the face. I was not in mood for her sh*t. "F*ck. Off," I firmly said, "F*ck. Off. F*ck f*cking off, you F*cking f*cked up f*cker. F*ck off, f*ck off, F*ck off." Nikki looked horrified and offended. She opened her mouth and was about to say something, but I quickly and aggressively interrupted her. "F*CK OOOOOOOOFF!!!" I loudly shouted. Nikki looked horrified and also slightly scared. Staring at me like I was some sort of maniac, she turned around and walked into the kitchen. I just stormed back upstairs to my room and started pacing up and down. I couldn't get the image of TJ and Naomi going at it like animals, out of my head.

An hour or so later, there was a knock at the door. I peered out of my window, looked down at the doorstep and saw Naomi. She was stood on the doorstep with a very concerned look on her face. I quickly exited my room, and hurried downstairs just as Nikki was about to answer the dor. "No!" I urgently said to her, "It's for me. Let me answer." "How do you know it's for you?" asked Nikki. "I look out of the window," I said. I opened the door to see a worried looking Naomi. "Hi..." she said. "What the Hell is SHE doing here!?" Nikki loudly snapped. "She's come to see me," I said. "I don't want her in this house," snapped Nikki. "It's my house too," I firmly said. "Look, what the Hell is going on?" asked Nikki. "None of your business," I said, "Me and Naomi need to talk, can you go out or something?" "You want me to leave my own house so SHE can come in?" exclaimed Nikki. "Just f*ck off out!" I snapped, "Go make up some lies or strangle a cat. I don't care, just go!" "I'm not leaving this house, so you can be on your own with her!" snapped Nikki. "Fine!" I angrily snapped, grabbing my coat, "We'll go out." "Well, where are you going?" asked Nikki. "None of your f*cking business," I snapped. "Well, when will you be back?" asked Nikki. "When I f*cking feel like it!" I snapped. I put on my coat. Left the house and then slammed the front door shut. "Things really are tense between you two," said Naomi, as we walked down the garden path.

About twenty minutes later I found myself sat on a bench with Naomi, overlooking Sandown Beach. An awkward silence lingered. "Well, say something then!" I angrily snapped. "I don't know what to say," said Naomi. "Well, you didn't come to Sandown so we could just sit here in silence and stare at the sea, did you?" "I just wanted to say sorry," said Naomi. "Yeah, it did sort of hurt," I said. "Hurt?" said Naomi, "What do you mean?" "What do I mean? What do YOU mean?" I asked, "You're the one saying sorry." "Yeah, for not being discreet and for not locking the door and for doing what I did on your Mum's bed." "So, you're not sorry for me being hurt?" I said. "Why, would I be sorry for you being hurt?" asked a confused Naomi, "How is me having a sex life hurting you? I don't get it." "You know that I've always had a thing for you," I said. "I know that you USED to have a thing for me," said Naomi, "But then I got with Seth, and you got with Nikki. What do you want me to do? Not have a sex life because you used to like me? Luke, don't be stupid." "I'm the stupid one, am I?" I snapped. "What does that mean?" asked Naomi. "It means TJ!" I exclaimed, "F*cking TJ. He's going to love rubbing my nose in this." "Rubbing your nose in it?" exclaimed an offended Naomi, "I'm not some sort of object... Some sort of prize to be won." "That's not how TJ's going to see you," I said, "He'll just see you as a hole for his d*ck." "Luke, I'm an adult," said Naomi, "I can make my own decisions." "Yeah, even bad ones," I said. "That's a bit rich, isn't it?" said Naomi, "You lecturing me on bad decisions. Esther? Nikki? Natasha? Catherine? You're not exactly in a position to be dishing out advice on relationships." "So, it's a relationship, is it?" I asked. "No!" Naomi loudly said. "So, you're just having random sex?" I asked, "With someone like TJ. God. I thought you had more self-respect than that." "Luke, I'm not going to sit here and get a lecture from you about self-respect. You know, I don't get why you're so angry. Why is my sex life so important to you? Why do you care? I only came here to say sorry for me not being discreet, and to..." "And to what?" I asked. "And to ask you no to tell anyone," Said Naomi. "Oh?" I said, "So you just came here to make sure I keep my mouth shut about your dirty little secret." "Why are you being such a tw*t?"  snapped Naomi, "You're acting like a jealous ex-boyfriend. Yeah, I know TJ can be an ar*ehole, but it's my life Luke." "An ar*ehole!?" I exclaimed, "He was in Sails Café the other day bragging about how he was shagging this horny sex mad nymph. He was talking about you. Is that the sort of guy you want to get involved with?" "Luke, I'm not stupid," said Naomi, "It's not just him using me for sex. I'm using him for sex. Yes, I know it's TJ and it's not something I'm very proud of, but I'm an adult Luke, a woman with needs. Me and TJ have got an understanding. It's private between us. I just want to make sure you won't tell anyone." A short silence lingered. "Well, I hope you're getting tested regularly," I said, "Never mind an infection that killed the world, he could infect you with every STI under the sun...and I hope he's wearing a condom too. The last thing you need is to be forced to co-parent with a f*cking tw*t. Believe me, I know what I'm talking about." Another silence lingered. "How long as it been going on?" I asked. "Err... Just after you told me you were going to move back to Sandown," said Naomi. "That's about two weeks," I said, "Two weeks. Are you in love with him?" "No," laughed Naomi, "No, of course not. It's just sex. I'm a human being, Luke. I need intimacy. I need fun. Please don't tell anyone." "I won't," I said in a disappointing tone, "You won't put up with any of TJ's cr*p will you?" "Course I won't," said Naomi, "Just like you won't put up with any cr*p from Nikki." "You can do better than TJ," I said. "I know," said Naomi, "And maybe someday I will, but it's just a bit of fun. I don't have exactly have a load of interested guys queuing up round the corner." "Yeah," I said, "But I..." "But you what?" asked Naomi. A short silence lingered as Naomi, and I exchanged tense stares. I was on the verge of telling her that I wanted to give us a go, but I just couldn't do it. I felt totally humiliated and I didn't want to make a fool of myself anymore. "What is it?" asked Naomi. "Nothing," I said, "It doesn't matter.  "So, the only people who know about you and TJ are you, me, and TJ?" Naomi nodded. "God knows what I'm going to tell Ash." "What do you mean?" asked Naomi. "Well," I said, "I... Err... Well, he saw me storm out yesterday. He's going to want to know why I left." "Please, don't tell him, Luke," said Naomi, "Can you just come up with some sort of excuse." I agreed.

All this drama has made me realise just how much I love Naomi, but now that she's shagging TJ, I just can't bring myself to tell her how I feel. I feel like the world's biggest idiot. God, I'm so stupid! I hate the idea of Naomi and TJ having sex, and I REALLY hate the idea of TJ bragging to me about all of this (which I'm sure, at some point, he will), but the whole situation feels like it's a big messy pile of sh*t. Maybe I could tell Naomi how I feel once she gives TJ the heave-ho, but I don't know when that will be, and even if that time does come, her feelings for me might have gone. God, they might have gone already. What if she ends up falling in love with TJ. Oh, I don't know what to do. I need to talk to someone about this, but I

Nikki wants to know what's going on, but I've told her to mind her own business. I know I should be here for Nikki and the baby, but right now that pregnant psychotic harpy is the last thing on my mind. I don't relish the idea of keeping the truth from Ash. I suppose I'm just going to have to come up with a convincing lie that I hope he'll swallow. What a mess...