Luke's Diary: An Unlucky Man In A Zombie Apocalypse. Entries 957 - 1157

Entry 1002: Tuesday 25th June 2019

Entry 1002
Tuesday 25th June 2019

No work today, but Nikki said something that has freaked me out a bit. Not sure what I should do... Or if I should do anything.

Me, Nikki and Leo went for a nice walk along the beach. "This is what it's all about isn't it?" said Nikki, "Me and you and this little guy just enjoying life." I put my arm around Nikki and gave her kiss. "You're right," I said, "I love this. We're going to be happy living here in Sandown, aren't we?" "What do you mean?" said Nikki, "We're happy NOW aren't we?" "Yeah," I said, "But I mean we'll be happy in the future too." "Definitely," said Nikki as she gave me a kiss on the cheek, "Maybe we should invite Madeline and Richard around and cook them a meal. I mean she's a bit loud and annoying and he is VERY dull and miserable, but they're nice enough. We could invite Roz and your Mum round, and maybe even your mate Gary. I found some recipes about making pies. Really simple by the look of them and you can get all of the ingredients in Sainsbury's. Steak pie. How does that sound?" "Sounds great," I said, "We're lucky the island has got farms and animals so we can get steak. Not sure how long it will last though." "What do you mean?" asked Nikki. "If living in this apocalyptic world has taught me anything, it's that things don't last," I said. "Don't say that," said Nikki, "That sounds really negative. Anyway, apocalypse is a bit over the top isn't it? Look around. We're walking on a beach; we've got a nice house. Hardly an apocalypse." "Babes," I said, "This island is not representative of what the world is like. It's life or death over on the mainland. Kill or be killed. Running for your life, stabbing infected people through the eye and into the brain so you can kill them; being prepared to kill uninfected people to keep hold of your food; having to put your feelings to one side in case you have to kill someone you love." "Yeah, OK," said Nikki, "Don't be graphic. That's all in the past. The future is here on this island. This is the start of civilisation." "I hope you're right," I said, "But when we have a facility not too far away that contains infected, I think there'll always be a chance civilisation can be threatened." "You worry too much," said Nikki, "There's not that many infected in The Hive." "There could be just one infected there and that would be enough to bring down this whole island." Nikki laughed. "God, you're being a bit dramatic aren't you" giggled Nikki, "They're behind massive solid walls." "For now," I said, "But I'm telling you babes, I have seen what the infected can do. I've seen it up close and personal." "How did you survive on the mainland?" said Nikki, "What did you do for food and all that?" "We did loads of different things," I said, "We captured rainwater and boiled it and filtered it. We scavenged and looked for tinned food. We went fishing. Mike slaughtered a cow." "God," said Nikki, "That's full on. Mind you I can imagine Mike doing that sort of thing." "We grew vegetables," I said, "We kept the seeds from the vegetables we grew and then planted them to grow other veg." "We could grow our own veg," said Nikki, "That'd be nice. Our own little vegetable garden. Doesn't that sound nice?" "Yeah," I said, "I suppose it does sound quite nice." Nikki said something that then completely freaked me. She turned and smiled at me and said "I love you." I felt an inner gasp, my eyes widened, and my heart rate increased. I felt really shocked at hearing this. It felt very full on and far too soon to be talking about being in love, but I did all I could to hide my surprise. I was having a nice day, and I didn't want to say or do anything that would p*ss Nikki off, cause an argument, result in her kicking off and ruining a nice day. I just turned to Nikki, said nothing and smiled. "I'm really happy," I said. "Do you love me?" asked Nikki. Inside my head I was loudly shouting SH*T!!!!! I care about Nikki, but I don't love her; not like that anyway. I like her a lot, but I'm not in love with her. Hearing her say this really freaked me out. I wasn't expecting to hear this so soon into the relationship. What the f*ck was I supposed to do? Say nothing? Lie and tell her I love her? Tell her I like her a lot but that I don't love her? I was going through a right inner panic. I said nothing, did the best I could to hide my panic, and just looked straight ahead smiling. "Babes?" said Nikki. "Hmmm," I said. "Did you hear me?" asked Nikki, "I asked if you loved me?" "It really is a nice day isn't it?" I said, desperately trying to change the subject. "Why are you changing the subject?" Nikki bluntly asked, "You don't love me, do you? Oh my God!" "No!" I loudly and quickly said, "No!" "So, you do love me?" said Nikki. "Yeah, of course I do," I said. That was it! The words had left my mouth and there was no going back now. I just said it without thinking! I had just lied to Nikki and I felt like a right tw*t... But what else was I supposed to do? Saying nothing and changing the subject wasn't going to work, and I just know if I'd have told the truth, Nikki would have kicked off big time.

I feel bad for lying to Nikki, but it was like she was pressuring me to tell her the answer she wanted to hear. I lied to Nikki about TJ and Trudy hiding in the kitchen, I lied to her about me no longer speaking to Sci-Fi Cyn and Mike, and now I've lied to her and told her I love her when I don't. I feel like a totally selfish b*stard. God, I am such a coward! I just need to think positive. If we have more days like this, Nikki might be OK with me seeing Mike and Sci-Fi Cyn, and I suppose I might eventually develop stronger feelings for Nikki...