Luke's Diary: An Unlucky Man In A Zombie Apocalypse. Entries 957 - 1157

Entry 1112: Sunday 13th October 2019

Entry 1112
Sunday 13th October 2019

Well, I saw Tinsley today. It certainly wasn't a pleasant experience, and it also wasn't as bad as I thought it would be... It was worse.

After having a catch up and a cuppa with Mike and Sci-Fi Cyn in Sails Café, Naomi and I left to make our way back to mine, when we saw Tinsley a few metres ahead of us. He was outside Sainsbury's talking to a couple of GRID soldiers. He looked angry (but then again, he always looks angry) but he didn't look out of control angry. "Look," said Naomi, "There's the man himself. Now's your chance." "Oh God," I said, feeling apprehension and a feeling of dread. "Go on," said Naomi, "You can't keep putting it off." "Will you come with me?" I asked. "No," said Naomi, "You can do this on your own. Go on. I'll wait here." I closed my eyes, took a deep breath, opened my eyes and with a feeling of anxiety, I reluctantly walked over to Tinsley. The soldiers he was talking to walked off, leaving Tinsley looking at some paperwork on a clipboard. I approached Tinsley, looked at him, and just stood there in silence waiting for him to look up and ask me what I wanted. Tinsley just stood there, flicking through the paper on his clipboard not looking at me or even acknowledging me. He knew I was there! I was stood right next to him, but I thought it was best for me to wait. However, a handful of seconds turned into a handful of minutes which felt like a lifetime. It was like Tinsley was doing this on purpose. Torturing me by making me wait. I turned round and looked back at Naomi who moved her head, implying that I should stop faffing around and just get on with it. I turned back round, looked at Richard, took a deep breath bit the bullet. "Richard," I said, "I need..." "What the f*ck did you just call me?" Richard asked in an angry tone whilst maintaining his gaze at the clipboard yet adopting a furious expression. "Err.... W... What?" I said, feeling anxious and confused. Richard rapidly turned round and showed me the whites of his eyes. "I said, you f*cking deaf pr*ck, what the f*ck did you just call me?" Tinsley asked me in a rather tense tone. "I... Err... I called you Richard," I said, standing there like a quivering wreck." "Do you think that you're my f*cking Mother, Warm?" Tinsley asked me in a rather intimidating tone. I shook my head. "Do I look like I'm you're f*cking best friend?" Tinsley asked me as he took a threatening step closer to me. Again, I shook my head. "THEN IF I'M NOT YOUR BEST FRIEND, AND YOU'RE NOT MY F*CKING MOTHER!!!" Tinsley angrily shouted about a millimetre from my face, "WHY THE F*CK ARE YOU CALLING ME RICHARD!? MY NAME TO YOU ASSWIPE IS COMMANDER TINSLEY! HAVE YOU GOT THAT!? YOU F*CKING DUMB PIECE OF SH*T!!!?" "I'm sorry, I'm sorry," I said, with my bottom lip trembling and leaning away from Tinsley's intimidating stance, "I just needed to ask you a favour, Commander Tinsley." "A favour?" asked Tinsley, standing back, and looking confused. "Yeah..." I said. "What makes you think, a scrawny little F*CK like you, can ask me for a favour!?" Tinsley snapped. "Well," I said, "It's just that I'm not living in Sandown anymore. I live in Cowes now with Mum and Auntie Meryl." "What do you want from me?" snapped Tinsley, "A f*cking housewarming card!?" "No," I said, "I... Well... I... You see... Well, the problem is... It's... Err..." "WHAT THE F*CK IS WRONG WITH YOU!?" yelled an angry Tinsley. I was seconds away from just turning around and walking away from Tinsley but Naomi, observing this heated confrontation from a safe distance suddenly appeared. "He wants to talk to you about changing his job," said Naomi. "Oh?" said Tinsley, taking a step back, "And why can't this sorry sack of sh*t not ask me himself? Why does he need to get you to do his talking for him?" "Well, sometimes you get angry," said Naomi, "And it makes it hard to talk to you." "Is that right?" asked Tinsley, giving Naomi an intense stare, "Well do you know what I think? I think you're both full of sh*t. This sorry piece of p*ss has asked me before about changing his job and now he's asking me AGAIN. I think you two sorry ass mother f*ckers know that I don't like being f*cked about, and I think that you both know that asking me to make more changes to this pr*ck's assigned job – AGAIN, is f*cking me about, and I do not like being f*cked about." "You said I could work at the prison doing a bit of cleaning," I quickly said, "I'll just do that. Yeah?" "You'll do what the f*ck I tell you to do, Warm," snaped Tinsley. "Travelling from Cowes to Sandown every other day is a long journey," said Naomi, "It takes about an hour, and Luke wants to be close to his son. Will you please think about changing his job and letting him work at the prison?" Tinsley turned and gave Naomi a tense stare. A tense stare that made me feel uncomfortable. "I'll think about it," said Tinsley, "Now both of you can f*ck off. I'm busy. Naomi and I walked off and I was just glad to be walking away from Tinsley rather than walking towards him.

Naomi came round to mine, and we had a chat and a cuppa with Mum and Auntie Meryl whilst Leo and Sophie played on the rug. I told Mum and Auntie Meryl about my confrontation with Tinsley. "The man is an unhinged psycho," said Naomi, "I mean that. I really think he's a psycho. They all seem to come out of the woodwork when there's an apocalypse." "Who's doing woodwork?" asked Auntie Meryl. "We're talking about Tinsley," I said. "Who?" asked Auntie Meryl. "The Commander," I said. "Amanda Burton," said Auntie Meryl. "You what?" I said. "She was the Commander," said Auntie Meryl, "Clare Blake." "What are you on about?" I asked. "The Commander," said Auntie Meryl, "Amanda Burton. Clare Blake." "Who the Hell is Clare Blake?" I asked. "The Commander," said Auntie Meryl. "The Commander is Richard Tinsley," I said. "Oh, was he the Commander before Amanda Burton?" asked Auntie Meryl. "What the f*ck are you talking about?" I exclaimed, "Amanda Burton's an actress. What's she got to do with who the Commander is? Blade was the Commander before Tinsley." "And is it one of them that does woodwork?" asked Auntie Meryl. "What the FRIG are you going on about!?" I exclaimed, "What has woodwork got to do with anything?" "Well, I don't bl**dy know," said Auntie Meryl, "It's you two who are going on about Commander's doing woodwork." "Auntie Meryl," I said, "I'm talking about me trying to get a new job." "In woodwork?" asked Auntie Meryl. "NOOOO!!!" I loudly said. "Well, I don't know what you're bl**dy going on about!" exclaimed Auntie Meryl, "You need to learn to speak properly." "Look," I said, trying desperately to stay patient and explain things to Auntie Meryl, "You know where I work now, don't you?" "In that little building selling pencil sharpeners to people," said Auntie Meryl. "Auntie Meryl," I bluntly said, closing my eyes in despair, "That's the stationary place I used to work. That was years before the outbreak." "What outbreak?" asked Auntie Meryl. "I work at The Hive now," I said. "Well, how long have you worked there?" asked Auntie Meryl, acting all shocked. "Ages!" I exclaimed, "Don't act like this is the first time you've heard this." "Oh, I can't keep up with you," said Auntie Meryl, "One minute you're selling pencil sharpeners, then you're a bl**dy beekeeper." There was a short pause. "Beekeeper?" I said, "What are you on about? I'm not a beekeeper." "You said you worked with beehives," said Auntie Meryl. "THE HIVE!" I loudly said, "Not a bl**dy beehive!" "Well, what other sort of hives are there!?" exclaimed Auntie Meryl. "The Hive is full of infected," I said. "Infected bees?" said Auntie Meryl, "Well, what's the point in that? Can infected bees make honey? Will the honey be infected? I bought a jar of honey from Pound Land once. It had a thumb in it. They didn't charge me any extra for it, so I wasn't too unhappy." I turned and looked at Naomi with a blunt expression. "I'm going to kill her," I said, "I think I'm literally going to kill her." "Meryl," said Naomi, "I think you're getting confused." "Am I?" said Auntie Meryl, "Well, a beehive can be a sort of haircut. Is that the sort of beehive you're going on about?" I dropped my head in my hands in despair. "My friend Betty Crack used to have beehive," said Auntie Meryl, "Which is weird really because she used to hide jars of honey in it that she'd stolen from Tesco and sell them down the pub for half the price." Auntie Meryl was getting right on my nerves, so I changed the subject and eventually ended up spending some time with Naomi in my bedroom kissing and cuddling like a pair of teenagers. That was certainly a lot more enjoyable that listening to Auntie Meryl go on.

I hope I hear back from Tinsley soon. I don't really like the idea of going from cleaning a big concrete building full of infected, to cleaning a prison full of criminals, but it will stop me from being bored and I guess it will give me a sense of purpose. Let's see what happens...