Luke's Diary: An Unlucky Man In A Zombie Apocalypse. Entries 957 - 1157

Entry 1030: Tuesday 23rd July 2019

Entry 1030
Tuesday 23rd July 2019

Me and Nikki had a huge argument today, but I think I understand her a bit more now.

We'd been for a walk on the beach with Leo and we were having a really nice day. We'd sat down in the living room to watch a DVD when all of a sudden there was a knock at the door. Nikki and I exchanged confused looks. We don't really get visitors, so we thought it was a bit odd. I got up, walked into the hallway, answered the door and was shocked to see Mike stood there. "Hiya babes," he said with a big smile on his face. "What the Hell are you doing here?" I gasped, "You're not supposed to be here. Nikki's going to kill me!" "It's OK," said Mike, "I don't need to come in. I've just come to tell you the good news." "What good news?" I asked. "You can still volunteer," said Mike, with a beaming smile on his face, "I spoke to Cathy and I finally got the whole misunderstanding, and I explained things to her. You can come back with me tomorrow." "Mike," I firmly said, "I'm seeing you and Cyn at The Beach Café tomorrow. Why couldn't you tell me this, then?" "I wanted to tell you as soon as I got the news," said Mike, in an excited tone, "I didn't want to wait until tomorrow." "Well, I wish you had," I firmly said. Nikki then walked into the hallway. "Who is it?" she asked. She then noticed Mike. I closed my eyes with dread, my heart rate increased and the atmosphere quickly because very tense. An awkward silence lingered as Nikki gave Mike a look of contempt and then walked back into the living room. "Mike, can you go now?" I bluntly said. "Will you be OK?" asked Mike. "I'll be fine," I said, "Just please go."

Mike left, I closed the door and plonked my head against the inside of the door, feeling anxious about the obvious argument that was about to follow. I took a deep breath and returned to the living room. Nikki was pacing up and down the living room with look of fury on her face. Leo was sat on the sofa. "Let me explain," I said, "I..." "You said he wasn't going to come round here!" snapped Nikki, interrupting me, "You said you'd told him to stay away." "I have," I calmy said. "Well, you can't have done a very good job about it!" Nikki loudly snapped. "I didn't know he was going to come round," I said, "He only wanted to tell me that the whole messy misunderstanding that happened yesterday at the old people's home had been cleared up." "He didn't have to come round here and tell you that!" snapped Nikki, "He could have told you tomorrow." "That's what I told him," I said. "Oh, really!?" snapped Nikki, implying I was lying. "Yes, I did," I said. "He just came round here to wind me up," snapped Nikki, "Jesus Christ! Why did you open the door to him, you stupid idiot!?" "Nikki," I calmly said, "If we are going to do this in front of Leo, can we please stay calm?" "Don't talk to me like that, you patronising tw*t," snapped Nikki. I picked up Leo and started to leave the room. "Where are you going?" snapped Nikki, "Don't walk away from me." "If you're going to kick off, I'm going to settle Leo upstairs," I said.

I quickly got Leo settled upstairs and when I returned to the living room Nikki flew into a huge aggressive outburst. "WHO THE F*CK DO YOU THINK YOU ARE!?" she angrily shouted. "Excuse me!?" I gasped. "Patronising me and talking down to me," snapped Nikki, "Walking away from me when I'm talking to you." "You were getting angry and throwing insults at me in front of Leo," I firmly said, "I don't want him around when you're being like that." "Being like what!?" Nikki angrily snapped. "Like an irrational person," I calmly said. "Oh, so now I'm being irrational, am I?" snapped Nikki. "Nikki, can we please talk about this calmly?" I said. "Answer the f*cking question," Nikki snapped, "Are you saying I'm being irrational?" Well, what do you want me to do!?" I exclaimed, "When someone knocks on the door, I have to answer it to see who's there. I don't have x-ray vision." "Well, why didn't you shut the door when you saw it was Mike?" asked Nikki. "I'm not going to be rude," I said. "Oh, so it's more important what Mikes thinks rather than what I think?" said a blunt Nikki. "I didn't say that," I said. "Yes, but that's what you meant," snapped Nikki, "I told you I didn't want him round here. He probably only came round here to p*ss me off." "Don't be silly," I said. "Oh, so now I'm silly, am I?" snapped Nikki. "Yes," I firmly said as I started to lose patience, "I can't control where Mike does and doesn't go. I've told he can't come round here. It's not my fault if he doesn't listen. He was only here for two minutes and I've told you why, just calm down and get some perspective for crying out loud." Nikki's nostrils flared. She raised her eyebrows, widened her eyes and pursed her lips. She picked up a small vase that was on the mantle place and was just about to launch into an attack on me when I said something that stopped her. "Oh, that's right!" I loudly snapped, "There's no carriage clock or plate this time so now you're going to bash me on the head with a vase. Go on then. Come on." Nikki wavered. She stood looking like she wasn't sure what to do. She threw the vase at the wall, it smashed into pieces, and then Nikki burst into tears and ran upstairs.

I cleaned up the broken bits of vase and about twenty minutes later I went upstairs into the bedroom to see Nikki was laid on the bed. Her head was in her pillow and it looked like she'd been crying. "Nikki," I said, "We can't carry on like this. I'm defending you against Trudy and the others who say you're violent, but when you start picking up vases and getting ready to chuck them at me it's hard to stick up for you." Nikki got up and sat on the end of the bed. "It's alright for you," she snapped, "You've never been in a violent relationship." "Maybe I'm in one now," I said. "Oh, shut up," snapped Nikki, "You've no idea what violence is. My ex-husband was violent to me." I widened my eyes and gasped. This was the first time Nikki had mentioned an ex-husband. "Ex-husband?" I said, "You never told me you'd been married." "I don't like to talk about it," said Nikki, "He's still on the island. We have nothing to do with each other anymore and that's how I like it." "Was he violent to you?" I asked. "Just a bit," said Nikki in a sarcastic tone, "Hitting, kicking, punching, mind games, manipulation, coercive control, gaslighting. He had the lot. B*stard. He used to say patronising things to me and then he'd get violent. I suppose when you say stuff to me that I think's patronising, it reminds me of what my ex was like. Maybe part of me thinks you're going to get violent with me, so I get violent with you first." "God, Nikki," I said, sitting next to her and putting my hand reassuringly on her knee, "I wish you'd have told me this ages ago. I understand things a bit more now." "I don't like talking about my ex," said Nikki, "It reminds me of bad times. He's out of my mind and out of my life." "But he's not, though is he?" I said, "He's still affecting you now. I'd never go out of my way to hurt you like he did. We're going to argue and have ups and downs, but we've got a better chance of sorting them out if we sit down and talk rather than throwing insults and other stuff at each other." "I suppose being in an abusive and violent relationship has had more of an effect on me than I realised," said Nikki. I gave Nikki a hug and a kiss, and then we went downstairs and watched a couple of DVDs.

I can totally understand now why Nikki kicks off and gets violent when she's angry. Her ex sounds like a right bully. Nikki told me that the last she'd heard he was living in a flat in Cowes. She said she hadn't seen him in over a year and that she didn't want to see him. He really does sound like a right violent monster. Let's hope Nikki and I never bump into him. I just hope Nikki can see that even though she might get annoyed with me sometimes, I'm not her ex, and I'm not going to be violent towards her.

Back to work tomorrow. Also, back to my volunteering with Mike. I'll be having a few firm words with him...