Luke's Diary: An Unlucky Man In A Zombie Apocalypse. Entries 957 - 1157

Entry 1076: Saturday 7th September 2019

Entry 1076
Saturday 7th September 2019

So, yesterday I signed off my diary saying that I hoped today wasn't going to be too eventful. It was VERY eventful...

When I got up this morning, I took a big deep breath and prepared myself for the day ahead. I had no idea what it was going to be like living with Nikki as house mates as opposed to living with her when I was her boyfriend, and I had no idea what today would bring. With Leo in my arms, I went downstairs and walked into the kitchens where Mum had made me a cup of tea. "So, here we are then," said Mum, "The big day." "I'll be alright, you know?" I said. "Well, let's hope so," said Mum, "Anyway, what about me? Will I be alright? Stuck here with a screaming irritant who can't eat properly and ends up sh*tting itself, and that's just your Auntie Meryl." "Mum, Naomi and some of the others will come round to help," I said., "And remember, I'm going to be coming back a few times a week." "This can't be permanent you know, sausage?" said Mum, "You realise that don't you? I mean, this isn't how life can be forever." "Yeah, I know," I said. "Well, if you know that, what's the plan after the b*tch gives birth?" asked Mum. "I don't know," I said, "Maybe we can have joint custody of the baby?" "And you'd move back here?" asked Mum. I suppose," I said. "I can't see Nikki being OK with that, can you?" said Mum, "Anyway, even if she was how would it work with her being in Sandown and you being back here?" "I don't know," I said, "We'd have to try and make it work. Anyway, we're not there yet. Let's just get the baby born and THEN we can worry about custody and what we're going to do." I gave Leo a kiss, said goodbye to Mum, gathered my clothes and what little belongings I had, and made my way to Sandown.

On the bus ride to Sandown, I was aware of becoming increasingly anxious. I keep taking some deep breaths as I told myself that I was in control and that I could handle whatever Nikki was going to throw at me, but when I walked into the house, I was not prepared for what awaited me.

I approached the house, walked up the garden path, knocked on the door and waited for Nikki to answer, expecting her to let me in. I waited a for a few moments and frowned with confusion when there was no answer. I knocked again, but then remembered that I still had my key. I dived into my pocket, retrieved the key, and just as I was about to enter it into the keyhole, the front door flung open. I stood there feeling a sense of extreme caution as I froze to the spot looking rather anxious. It wasn't Nikki who had answered the door. It was Mike. "Hiya, Babes," he said, with a cheery smile, "Surprise! Bet you didn't expect to see me." "Err... No," I said, "I didn't expect to see you. Mike what are you doing here?" "It's a surprise," said Mike, "Come on. Close your eyes." "Mike, just tell me what's going," I said, "Where's Nikki? Where is she?" Mike pulled me into the house, closed the door and plonked my bags and belongings in the hallway. "Babes, it's OK," said Mike, "Just close your eyes, and you'll see what I've done for you." "Mike!" I firmly said. "Shushhhh," said Mike, pushing his index finger against my lips, "Now come on. Close your eyes. You trust me, don't you?" "Not right now, no," I said, "Mike, just tell what you're doing here? Have you done something to Nikki?" "Just close your eyes, take me hand, and will be revealed," said Mike. Keen to get the farce over with, I took a depressing deep breath, closed my eyes, and reached out my hand. Mike took hold of my hand, and with my eyes closed, Mike led me up the stairs. "I think you're going to be really excited," said Mike, "This is going to be a big surprise."

Mike and I arrived on top of the landing, and he guided me to the end of the hallway and with his hands on my shoulders he turned me to my right. "Right then," said Mike, "Stay there. Keep your eyes closed, and don't open them until I say so." A few brief moments later, with my eyes still closed, I felt Mike walk past me. It sounded like he was now stood about 12feet in front of me. "OK," said an excited sounding Mike, "You can open your eyes now!" I opened my eyes as instructed and was absolutely horrified at what I saw. I gasped in shock, my jaw dropped open, my eyes nearly popped out of my skull, and I felt a cold shiver shootdown my spine. Nikki was laid on the bed. Her hands were tied to the top bed posts, and her feet were tied to the bottom bed posts. She was gagged and looked absolutely terrified. A load of bathroom towels were next to the bed, and a sh*t load of cling film had been spread all across the bed covering the duvet. Mike was stood next to the bed wearing yellow marigolds, a pair of swimming goggles and Nikki's pink flowery apron. He had a smile on his face and a big pair of salad tongs in his hands. Most weirdly of all he'd hung a sign across the top of the headboard that said 'SURPRISE' on it, with balloons stuck to the side. "What the Hell have you done?" I gasped. "I'm going to get rid of that baby," said Mike, "I've done this sort of thing before, remember? I bet you wasn't expecting this." "No, Mike," I firmly said, feeling a combination of shock and anger, "No, I wasn't expecting this. Because I TOLD YOU I DIDN'T WANT THIS." "Don't you like it?" asked Mike, "It's a surprise." "A surprise!?" I gasped, "Mike, a surprise is when you come home to a surprise party, or an unexpected box of chocolates, or seeing a friend you haven't seen in years. A surprise is supposed to be a nice thing." "Don't you think this is a nice thing?" asked Mike. "Nice!?" I exclaimed, "Mike, you've got the mother of my child gagged and tied to a bed ready to have a pair of massive salad tongs shoved up her." "I knew you'd like it," said Mike with a big smile. "I DON'T F*CKING LIKE IT!" I shouted, "WHAT THE F*CK IS WRONG WITH YOU!?" "You said if she wasn't pregnant, you wouldn't be moving in with her," said Mike, "So I can do one of my home-made abortions, and she won't be pregnant." "I didn't say that I didn't want this baby!" I snaped, "If you'd have listened to me instead of planning all this f*cked up sh*t, you'd have heard that I am actually looking forward to being a dad from the start. For f*cks sake, Mike. You told me you wouldn't do anything to make things worse." "Well, I think this is making things better," said Mike, "Don't you?" "Better?!?" I exclaimed, "You've got my ex tied up like she's taking part in some sort of weird bondage game, my old bedroom looks like a cross between a makeshift abattoir and a back-street surgeon, and you're stood there like some sort of psychotic torturer from the Saw films. So, no Mike I don't think this is better. I don't think this s better at all." "Awwww," said Mike, lowering his head and looking all sad, "I wanted to do something nice for you. I went to a lot of trouble. I got the sign and blew up the balloons. I even bought this big pair of salad tongs from Sainsbury's. I put cling film on the bed so it would be easier to clean up the mess, and I 've got a load of towels and binbags ready. I couldn't find a surgical apron or proper science goggles, so I used this pink apron I found in your kitchen and these swimming goggles."