Luke's Diary: An Unlucky Man In A Zombie Apocalypse. Entries 957 - 1157

Entry 970: Friday 24th May 2019

Entry 970
Friday 24th May 2019

I have no idea what's going on!? Nikki is still in a mood with me, but she won't talk to me calmly or rationally, so I have no idea what I'm supposed to do or what I'm supposed to have done!

The day started when I woke up, sorted Leo out, had some breakfast and then spoke to Auntie Meryl and Mum about mine and Nikki's argument. "Oh, for crying out loud," said Mum, "I knew you'd mess it up. What have you done?" "I haven't bl**dy done anything," I said. "Yeah, don't have a go at him, you old slag," Auntie Meryl snapped at Mum, "Leave the poor lad alone. Just because he's having a tiff with his girlfriend doesn't mean he's the one that's done anything wrong." "Thanks Auntie Meryl," I said, "I'm glad someone's on my side." "Oh, shut up," said Auntie Meryl, "You've only had a girlfriend five minutes and you've already buggered it up." "I haven't buggered anything up!" I loudly exclaimed. "Then why is Nikki in a mood with you?" snapped Mum. "Well..." I said. "Oh, God," said Mum, rolling her eyes, "What does that mean... 'Well'? That doesn't sound good. What have you done?" "She found about me and Naomi kissing each other before we were all frozen," I said. "Well, why did you tell her that?" snapped Mum. "I didn't!" I loudly said, "It was your shag buddy TJ! He opened his big mouth and caused trouble as he usually f*cking does." "I'll have a word with him," said Mum. "No. I'll have a word with him," I firmly said, "I want to give him a piece of my mind." "You're a bl**dy idiot," said Mum, "Why didn't you tell Nikki about you and Naomi before sitting down to dinner with her?" "Make your mind up!" I snapped, "One minute you're saying I shouldn't have told her, and then you're saying I should have told her. Anyway, I didn't know Naomi was going to be there. I thought it was going to just be me, Nikki, Richard and Madeline." "I used to have a home help called Madeline," said Auntie Meryl, "I didn't like her. She had nits." "I tried to reassure Nikki but then she saw me and Naomi hugging, and now she's gone in a right mood," I said. "What were you doing hugging her?" exclaimed Mum. "We were talking in the kitchen," I said, "She got a bit down, so I gave her a hug. That's when Nikki walked in." "So, she finds you snogged Naomi and then sees you hugging each other?" said Mum, "Well you've f*cked that up, haven't you? She'll never speak to you again." "I haven't done anything wrong!" I loudly said, "A man and a woman can hug without anything sexual occurring." "Are you sure?" said a confused Mum, "That doesn't sound right to me." "That's because you're a big whore," said Auntie Meryl. "I don't know what I'm going to do," I said, "She wants me to stop seeing Naomi." "Listen, sausage," said Mum, "You need to put this right. Plain looking lads like you with below average intelligence that aren't much to look at, don't get good looking women like Nikki. Sort it out." "Get rid of her," said Auntie Meryl. "What do you mean get rid of her?" I said. "Just dump her," said Auntie Meryl, "I don't like her. She's trouble." "She's NOT trouble," I firmly said. Auntie Meryl could see me clutching my arm. "What's up with your arm?" she asked, "Have you been having too many hand shandys?" "I banged it against the bathroom wall," I said. Auntie Meryl frowned with suspicion. I didn't want to tell her the truth. She's already got a negative view of Nikki. I want to sort all this drama out and do what I can to get everyone to like Nikki. Anyway, my arm will be fine in a day or so, and the whole door slamming thing was obviously an accident. She didn't mean to slam my arm in the door.

I went to work with the whole Nikki thing on my mind. There was no way I could even consider cutting Naomi out of my life. As I was just about to finish my shift at work, Mike came up to me. He was with Trudy, Primark and TJ. They'd just been shopping. "Hiya, babes," said Mike, "How are you doing? I was thinking of organising a cricket game on the beach. Are you up for it?" "No," I firmly said with frustration on my face, "I am not up for a cricket game on the beach." "What's up with you?" said a blunt Trudy. "I'll tell you what's up with ne," I snapped, pointing at the three of them, "You three; that's what's up with me." "You what?" said TJ. "What the f*ck have we done?" snapped Trudy. "The other night at Richard and Madeline's," I said, "You were really rude to Nikki." "I wasn't rude to her," snapped Trudy. "You threatened to knock her teeth out," I firmly said. "So!?" snapped Trudy, "She spoke to me like sh*t, called me a chav and practically called me a slag. What do you want me to do? Just sit there and take it?" "Well, I did f*ck all wrong," said TJ, "Apart from resisting her sexual advances." "There weren't any sexual advances you deluded d*ck" I snapped "As for doing something wrong, you made a string of inappropriate comments, and then you opened your big mouth about me and Naomi kissing before we got into the cryogenics. Why couldn't you just keep your mouth shut? Nikki's not talking to me now." "Ha, I knew you'd f*ck it up," said TJ. "No," I angrily said, aggressively pushing TJ in the chest, "If this is f*cked up it's because of you and your big mouth." "Alright Elizabeth, calm down," said Mike. "Well, what did I do wrong?" asked Mike. "Are you kidding!?" I exclaimed, "She told me about you threatening her." "Yeah, but I did that for you" said Mike, "I wanted to make sure she was nice to you." "And you thought that getting her on her own and threatening to gauge out her eyes and feed them to her if she didn't do as you said would get her to be nice to me?" I snapped. "I just want her to be nice to you," said Mike. "Well, now she's not talking to me," I snaped "And you three are cumulatively to blame." "What does cumulatively mean?" asked Trudy. "I'll go see Nikki and say sorry," said Mike. "No!" I firmly said. "Please don't fall out with me, Luke, babes," said Mike. "Don't grovel to him. Mike," said TJ, "He needs to chuck that bunny boiler to the curb. She's a few squirts short of a full w*nk." "Look," I firmly said, "I am trying to make it work with Nikki, and you three interfering, making threats and saying inappropriate stuff isn't helping, so from now on if you haven't got anything helpful to say, keep your f*cking mouths shut."

I stormed off from Mike, TJ and Trudy and met with Sci-Fi Cyn and we had a chat over a cuppa in Sail Cafe. We decided not to talk about the big walls that are being built around the populated areas, and instead most of the focus was on me and all the drams going on with Nikki. Sci-Fi Cyn suggested I go round and have a chat with her in the hope that Nikki was now thinking more calmly, meaning we could have a more rational conversation. As Sci-Fi Cyn returned to the table with some tea I noticed something fall out of her pocket. I picked it up and saw that it was a photo of a cat. "This is a picture of a cat," I said. "Yes," said Sci-Fi Cyn, retrieving the photograph, "My pride and joy," said Sci-Fi Cyn, "My muff. Oh, I miss her. You never met her. She was in my lair when we first met but I always kept her out of the way. Oh, I miss my muff." "God," I said, "What with Mia's clunge, Mike's knob and your muff, we've got enough innuendos to start a string of carry on films." "Don't joke, Luke," said Sci-Fi Cyn, "I miss my muff. I've not been in a relationship really. Not like the relationship you and Nikki are in, but if you care about her half as much as I care about my muff, she is worth fighting for."

I finished my tea, left Sci-Fi Cyn in the café and went round to Nikki's. I knocked on the door hoping that she would answer in a more welcoming and less hostile mood. She wasn't. She looked even angrier than she did when I saw her the other day. Before I could say anything, she flew into a tirade of aggression. "My God, you've got a f*cking nerve," she snapped. "What?" I said sounding confused. "You're unbelievable, snapped Nikki, "First you put me through that horrible embarrassing experience at Richard and Madeline's, and now you resort to petty name calling and childish letters." "What are you talking about?" I said, sounding even more confused. "You KNOW what I'm talking about!" Nikki loudly snapped. "I don't know what you're talking about!" I loudly yelled back. Nikki picked a piece of paper up from her hallway sideboard and pushed it up against my chest. I opened it out and read the text that was scribbled on it. "YOU'RE GOING TO DIE YOU WORTHLESS B*TCH." I gasped in shock. "What? You think I wrote this?" I snapped. "Well, of course," snapped Nikki, "Who else would do something like this?" "This was NOT me!" I loudly exclaimed. "Whatever Luke," snapped Nikki, "I don't care. You've just shown yourself to be the pathetic little man that you really are." "Nikki, can we please just talk about this calmly?" I said. "Don't f*cking stand there patronising me," snapped Nikki, "I think I'm being incredibly calm, and no, we can't talk about it. I don't even want to look at you." "Nikki..." I said. She took a step closer to me, frowned and gave me a rather intimidating glance. "Don't think I'm scared of you, Luke," she said in a rather threatening tone, "Because I'm not. It's you who should be scared of me. I could destroy you if I wanted to, and I mean DESTROY you. Now stop sending me these stupid letters and f*ck off, or I'll slam your other arm in the door." Nikki slammed the door shut leaving me holding the letter and feeling completely shocked and confused.

I'm in bed now and I have been wracking my brains. How can I make this right with Nikki and who the Hell has been sending her the nasty letters? As awkward as it may be, Nikki and I need to sit down and have a chat but she is refusing to talk to me. I have had an idea and whilst part of me thinks it's a good one, another part of me isn't too sure....I could get Naomi to talk to Nikki and get her to tell her that there is nothing going on between us, and that there has never been anything going on between us....