Luke's Diary: An Unlucky Man In A Zombie Apocalypse. Entries 957 - 1157

Entry 1087: Wednesday 18th September 2019

Entry 1087
Wednesday 18th September 2019

I've got myself into a right pickle!

On the way to work this morning I was telling Gary about all the stuff that had been going on with me and Naomi. I know I promised Ash AND Naomi I would keep my mouth shut, but there is so much going on in my head, I just had to tell someone. I told Gary everything, and he looked very confused, "Ok, Chuckles," he said, "Let me see if I've got this right. You've fancied Naomi for ages, but it just never happened. The she fancied you but you were in a coma so she couldn't tell you. When she could tell you, you had loads of drama going on, and then you got together with Nikki. Naomi told Ash that she's in love with you, and then Ash told you, and you were going to talk to Naomi about it but you saw her and TJ going at it, and now you've got to make sure Naomi doesn't find out Ash told you she has – or had, feelings for you, and you have to come up with a lie to tell Ash, so he doesn't find out Naomi and TJ are shagging each other?" "Yes," I said. "Bl**dy Hell Chuckles," said Gary, "I thought your life was complicated when you moved in with your pregnant ex, but this is something else. What ae you going to do?" "I don't know," I said, "But I need to come up with something."

After work Gary was kind enough to give me a lift to Cowes. Mike and Cyn were supposed to come and see me, but I decided to go and see them. Maybe I'll keep doing that, moving forward. I met Mum, Leo, Sci-Fi Cyn and Mike at Sails Café and we had our usual chat over a cuppa. "You disappeared pretty quick the other day," said Mum, "I had Meryl asking me loads of questions." "Yeah, I didn't feel very well," I said, "I'm OK now." We continued to have a chat which included questions about Nikki, and Mum making her usual b*tchy comments, but we were suddenly interrupted when Ash came into the café. Cyn invited him to join us, but he said he wanted a word with me in private. "Why can't you talk to him here?" asked Mike. "Well, it's just something a bit delicate," said Ash, "Nothing to worry about though." With Mike looking rather suspicious, I stood up and walked over to the far end of the counter with Ash. "Well?" Ash quietly asked me. "Well, what?" I asked. "What do you mean, well what!?" Ash exclaimed, "What's going on?  One minute you tell me you're going to have a chat with our Naomi about how you feel, and the best thing you walk out. What happened? Did you tell her how you feel? What did she say? I've been trying to ask her, but she isn't saying much." At that moment Naomi appeared. "Hi, you two," she said, "What's going on? You look deep in conversation." Ash was giving me a certain look that strongly indicated he didn't want me to tell Naomi that he had told me about her having feelings for me, but at the same time Naomi was making direct eye contact with me in a way that strongly suggested she didn't want me to say anything about her shagging TJ. All the pressure was on me to say the right thing. I just stood there is an awkward silence. Mike then appeared. "What's going on over here?" asked Mike, "You look like you're all hiding something." "No!" Ash, Naomi, and I simultaneously said, "Not at all. We're just chatting." "Well, what are you chatting about?" asked Mike. The awkward silence returned as Naomi and Ash gave me an uncomfortable stare. Again, the pressure was on me to say something. Mike could see the atmosphere was awkward. "OK," he said, "What's going on? You're all obviously up to something." "I had a row with Naomi!" I loudly blurted out. "A row?" asked Mike, "What was it about? Has she been mean to you?" "It's OK," I said, "It's all sorted now." "Well, what happened?" asked Mike. I had no idea what I was going to say. I was just feeling pressured by the odd and rather tense looks Naomi and Ash were individually giving me. "Well..." I said, desperately trying to come up with a convincing lie, "Naomi.... Asked... Me... To..." "To what?" asked Mike. "To be a model at the art class that I've started going to at Cowes community Centre," said Naomi, quickly interjected. "I didn't know you went to the art class?" said Ash, "You haven't mentioned it." "Well, I've only been once," said Naomi, "And it was a while ago, but I was going to start going again. I spoke to the woman who runs it, and she is... Err... Looking for people who are willing to model naked. Yes. That's it. I asked Luke if he wanted to be a model for the drawing class." "Why did you fall out about that?" asked Mike. "Yeah," said Ash, looking confused. "Well," I said, "I was at Auntie Meryl's welcome home, and I went upstairs to have a chat with Naomi about something..." "I gave Ash direct eye contact indicating to him that I was going upstairs to talk to Naomi about how I felt about her. "Yes," said Naomi, "He came upstairs and before he had a chance to say anything, I asked him if he would be a model at the drawing class. Luke stormed out because... Because... Because... Because I asked him to pose naked and that what with him having a tiny c*ck, he might prove to be a really good life model thingy." I gave Naomi a stern stare. I was not happy. "Well, I'd be p*ssed off if you told me that you thought I had a small nob and that you wanted me to stand there starkers whilst someone was painting me. Mind you, I like the idea of getting my kit off and being a nude model." "Yes, well," I said, "That's why I stormed out. I was p*ssed off with Naomi." "I think you've got a beautiful little nob, babes," said Mike, "Size isn't everything." "I did say sorry," said Naomi. "Yeah, she did," I said, "And I've forgiven her, so we can forget all about it now." "Why, did you even ask, Luke?" Ash asked Naomi. "Well, he once told me he'd done it before," said Naomi. My eyes nearly popped out of sockets. I have never said any such thing to Naomi. She was totally throwing me under the bus. "Have you posed naked before, babes?" asked Mike. Naomi stared at me with a desperate look on her face. "Err... Yeah," I reluctantly said, "But it was a long time ago." "So, are you going to do it?" asked an excited Mike, "I'll do it with you, if you want?" At that moment a woman walked into the café and approached the counter. "Look," said Mike, "Isn't that the woman who runs the art class? Small world, eh? EXCUSE ME!" Mike loudly called over to the woman. "Mike, what the f*ck are you doing?" I snapped. "Luke, what's up?" asked Ash, "You just said you've done it before. I'll be honest, it's not the sort of thing I had you down for but if you've done it before and they need a model, then go for it." The woman approached me, Mike, Naomi, and Ash. "Yes?" she asked, looking at Naomi, "Oh. Hello. You look familiar." "Yeah," said Naomi, "I came to your art class once." "Oh, yes, I remember," said the woman. Naomi introduced. This was 50-year-old Angela, a softly spoken woman who dressed a bit like a hippy. "Naomi said you were looking for a life model to pose naked," said Mike. "Well, I'm always looking for a life model," said Angela, "It really helps us draw the human body in a beautifully artistic way." "Yeah whatever," said Mike, "I'll get my nob out for you." "Well, it's a little more tasteful than that," said Angela. "Luke used to pose naked for art classes, apparently," said Ash. "Oh, did you?" asked an excited Angela, shaking my hand, "I would be so grateful if you could volunteer your services? It would really bring my art class to life, and as you've done it before, well... You're an expert. Will you volunteer?" Silence lingered. Naomi gave me a desperate, expectant look, Ash was waiting to see what I would say, Mike looked excited, and Angela looked incredibly hopeful. With a depressing sigh, I rolled my eyes and reluctantly agreed. "Oh, wonderful," said a pleased Angela, "We should discuss details." "Can I do it with him?" asked an excited Mike. "Two volunteers?" said Angela, "My, my, it is my lucky day. I'll stick with this gentleman who has done it before for now, but I may come back to you." I wrote down my address and Angela said she'd come round to see me to talk about the details in a day or so. Great! I thought to myself. How the f*ck did I get myself into this mess!? There's no way I'm doing it! I'm going to have to come up with another lie to try and get out of it. Naomi quietly mouthed the word 'thank you' to me, and I whispered in her ear that she owed me big time.