Luke's Diary: An Unlucky Man In A Zombie Apocalypse. Entries 957 - 1157

Entry 111: Saturday 12th October 2019

Entry 1111
Saturday 12th October 2019

I spent most of today nursing a hang over and apologising to people.

I woke up looking like sh*t and feeling rough. Feeling all achy and in pain, I slowly made my way downstairs and walked into the living room where an angry looking Auntie Meryl was doing her usual crossword book, and a p*ssed off looking Mum was looking after Leo. "Oh," said Mum, "Look who's decided to grace us with his presence." "Hmmm," said a displeased Auntie Meryl, "Well... Come on then. What have you got to say for yourself?" "Yes, alright," I said, collapsing into a heap on the sofa and putting my head in my hands, "I was a tw*t. I'm sorry. There you go." "You called us both a pair of whinging insufferable bints," said Mum. "Did I...?" I asked. "You know full well you did, you cheeky little sod," said Auntie Meryl, "You said you wanted to put me in home." "You told me that last thing I caught was chlamydia," said Mum. "Yeah OK," I said, putting my arms out in a defensive manner, "I'm sorry, OK? I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I had too much to drink and I got p*ssed, and I said some horrible things. I'm sorry." "You shouldn't drink like that if you can't handle it," said Mum. "I remember these two men tried to get me and my friend Betty Crack drunk once," said Auntie Meryl, "We were on a day trip to Bognor Regis and we ended up in this pub and some bloke came up to me and Betty Crack and said he'd give us both fifty quid and a goldfish each if we got drunk with him and took our clothes off in front of him. I couldn't believe it." "I can't believe it," said Mum, "I thought men paid you to keep your clothes on." "Anyway," said Auntie Meryl, "This bloke said he'd buy us whatever we wanted to drink, so whilst his proposal was a bit... unsavoury, we didn't want to turn down free drinks, so me and Betty got absolutely plastered with this guy. The teachers were furious when we got back to the coach," said Auntie Meryl. "Teachers!?" I exclaimed, "How old were you?" "Fourteen," said Auntie Meryl, "It was a school trip. We had to go home p*ssed, and I ended up getting a sweat rash under my boobs because I left my bra in a hotel room. Travelling back home with a goldfish in a plastic carrier between my legs wasn't a barrel of laughs either."

Once I'd managed to convince Mum and Auntie Meryl, I was sorry, I went round to Naomi's. Ash was out with Sophie, so I had a bit of time on my own with Naomi. She wasn't too hard on me. Nowhere near as had on me as Mum and Auntie Meryl were. I told Naomi that I was a complete tw*t and that I only got drunk with Steve and John to prove to them that I was a tough guy like them. "You need to stop being so insecure," Naomi said, "You might not be a soldier like those two but you're a tough guy in your own way." "What does that mean?" I asked. "Well, John and Steve and trained soldiers," said Naomi, "You're not but you still did what you had to do to protect your loved ones and survive on the mainland and you did that without and specialist GRID training. Some could say that makes you a tougher guy than them." "I never thought of it like that," I said. "Just stop trying to compare yourself to other men," said Naomi, "You did it with Seth. You did it with TJ and now you're doing it with these two mates of Gary's. I love you just as you are. Stop trying to be someone you're not." Naomi gave me a kiss and I suddenly felt very stupid but also very happy. "Luke," said Naomi, "I know we haven't... You know... But we will. Good things are worth waiting for and good things comes to those wait. Now go home and get into bed. You smell like cr*p and you look like sh*t. Go and nurse your hang over you big p*sshead of a caveman." Naomi and I shared a laugh, she gave me a kiss and then I went back home and got into bed to get over my hangover.

I still need to speak to Tinsley about getting a new job. I need to stop putting it off and just speak to him.