Luke's Diary: An Unlucky Man In A Zombie Apocalypse. Entries 957 - 1157

Entry 1069: Saturday 31st August 2019

Entry 1069
Saturday 31st August 2019

She's alive! Auntie's Meryl's alive! SHE'S COME OUT OF HER COMA! SHE'S ALIVE!

I was in the relative's room in a deep sleep when I was abruptly awoken by being vigorously shaken by Naomi. I gasped and leapt up off the seat in a state of panic thinking the worst. "What!?" I loudly gasped, still tired from my deep sleep, "What is it? What's happened? What's going on." "She's woken up!" said an excited Naomi, "She's alive! She's woken up!" I jumped up off the sofa and with Naomi I hurried down the corridor to the side room where Auntie Meryl was, but when I arrived there a nurse was stood by the door. "No," she said, "I'm sorry, but you can't go in." "What are you on about?" I said, "She's woken up. I want to see her." "Of course, you do," said the nurse, "And you will, but the Doctors are in with her at the moment, just give them some time and when we've got her settled you can go in and see her. Why don't you go to the canteen and have a cup of tea or something?"

Not long after this, Mike and Sci-Fi Cyn turned up. I excitedly told them that Auntie Meryl had woken up but frustratingly told them that the nurse on the door wouldn't let me see her. The four of us went down to the canteen whilst the Doctors did what they needed to do with Auntie Meryl. The four of us sat around a table eating chips, drinking tea and talking about how we were all so relieved that Auntie Meryl was going to be OK. "I can't believe it," I said, "Yesterday, they were talking about turning off her life support machine, and now she's back with us." "Let's just be thankful that all this happened on an island where there's a functioning hospital," said Sci-Fi Cyn, "If this had have happened on the mainland..." "Let's just be glad it didn't," said Naomi. "How long does she have to stay in the hospital for then?" asked Mike. "They haven't said yet," I said, "They said something about doing a few more tests to make sure everything is OK." "When she gets out of hospital, we could have a party," said an excited Mike. "I think Meryl might want to relax, Mike," said Naomi. "No, I think that's a great idea," I said with a big smile on my face, "I think it'll be just what she needs... When she's had time to recuperate of course."

After Naomi and I had finished chatting with Mike and Cyn, we quickly made our way back upstairs to Auntie Meryl's side room. The nurse was still on the door. She told us that Auntie Meryl was very weak and that it might take her some time to get her strength back. "OK," I said, "We won't overwhelm her. Can we all go in and see her?" "Not all together," said the nurse, "But you can go in two at a time."

Mike and Cyn waited outside whilst Naomi and I went inside to see Auntie Meryl. Feeling excited, but trying to contain it, I quietly walked over to the side of the bed, gently smiled at Auntie Meryl and held her hand. She had a bit of colour back on her face but she still looked rather weak. She laid on the bed with her eyes closed looking rather tired. "Hi Auntie Meryl," I quietly said, "It's me. Luke. Your nephew. Can you hear me?" "Course I can hear you, you silly sod," said Auntie Meryl, "I've not gone deaf." "I just wanted to make sure you knew it was me," I said. "How many nephews called Luke do you think I have?" said Auntie Meryl. Auntie Meryl slowly opened her eyes. "Are you OK?" I asked, "Can you see alright? What's it like opening your eyes?" "Painful," said Auntie Meryl. "Oh God," I said, "Shall I get a nurse?" "No," said Auntie Meryl, "Get a barber. It's painful looking at your hair. You need a short back and side, and a bottle of 'Just For Men.' How long was I in that bl**dy coma for? You've got more grey hairs than Dick Van Dyke." Holding tightly on to Auntie Meryl's hand, I lowered my head and started crying. I was overcome with emotion and felt so happy that she was back with us. "What you crying for?" asked Auntie Meryl, "I've just told you. A bit of 'Just For Men' will sort all that out." "I'm not crying because of my hair," I said, wiping my tears, as Naomi put her hand reassuringly on my shoulder. "Well, I certainly wouldn't be smiling about it," said Auntie Meryl, "You look older than me." "I'm crying because I thought you were going to die," I exclaimed. "What?" said Auntie Meryl, "For looking at your scruffy ageing hair? It's bad but it's not that bad." "No," I said, "I..." I turned and look at Naomi hoping she could help. "Meryl, you had a heart attack," said Naomi. "A heart attack?" said Auntie Meryl, "The Doctors said something about that? If I've had a heart attack why do I have this frigging bandage wrapped around my head?" "You fell and banged your head," I said. "When?" asked Auntie Meryl. "When you had your heart attack," I said. "I banged my head and then had a heart attack?" asked Auntie Meryl. "No, you had a heart attack, then banged your head," I said. "Oh, I don't know whether I'm coming or going," said Auntie Meryl, "One minute I'm coming out of Sainsbury's and the next minute I wake up looking like some Egyptian Mummy with some foreign Doctor prodding and poking me." "Auntie Meryl," I said, "You banged your head. It was really bad. We all thought you were going to die. They said something about a bleed on your brain. That foreign Doctor you're on about was one of the people who saved your life." "That fella has been messing about with my brain?" said an outraged Auntie Meryl. "He stopped you from dying," I said. "I can't even pronounce his name," said Auntie Meryl, "What's his name Dr..." "Dr Kalanadhabhatla," I said, "He's Asian." "So is Chicken Vindaloo," said Auntie Meryl, "And I wouldn't want that inside my head messing around with my brain. Funnily enough he actually smells like Chicken Vindaloo." "You can't say that," I firmly said, "It's racist." "How can I be racist?" said Auntie Meryl, "I eat black pudding." "Jesus," I said, rolling my eyes. "Well what other Doctors have been looking after me?" asked Auntie Meryl, "I know about Dr Kathmandu, but who was that other Doctor? Dr Twitch?" "His name's Dr Witch," I said, "He's really nice. "A witch Doctor!?" exclaimed Auntie Meryl. "No," I said, "His name's Dr Witch." "Well, that makes him a witch doctor doesn't it?" said an outraged Auntie Meryl, "Good God. I have a heart attack, fall down, bang my head, slip into a coma for a week, and you stick me in this place with a witch doctor and a bloke who stinks of curry and has a funny surname? Who else have you got to look after me? Dr Crippin? Harold Shipman? Did you bring me any grapes?" "No," I said. "It gets worse," said Auntie Meryl. She then looked over at Naomi. "So, have you two got it together yet, then?" Auntie Meryl. I frowned with confusion. "What are you on about?" I asked. "She's in love with you," Auntie Meryl said to me. "No, Auntie Meryl," I said, rolling my eyes, "You're getting confused. I'm with Nikki. Well... I was with Nikki. We split up." "Yes, I know all that," said Auntie Meryl, "I heard everything you were telling me when I was in that coma." "Oh," I said. "Everything?" asked Naomi. "Yes," said Auntie Meryl giving Naomi a strange look. "Auntie Meryl," I said, "THIS is Naomi. Not Nikki." "I know who she is," said Auntie Meryl, "I might have banged my head, but I'm not senile." "You're getting it all mixed up," I said, "I was with Nikki, not Naomi. Me and Nikki aren't together anymore. Me and Naomi are mates. Good mates. That's all we are. We'll always we good mates. She's been here with me all this time whilst you were in your coma." "I know," said Auntie Meryl, "I heard everything the pair of you were saying." "Well, we don't have to talk about it all now," I said, "But I need to tell you about everything that went on between me and Nikki. I wanted to say sorry too. I said some pretty horrible things to you, didn't I?" "Yes," said a firm Auntie Meryl. "You were right about Nikki all along," I said. "Course I was," said a firm Auntie Meryl, "I told you so, didn't I? I'm right about a lot of things. Like you needing to get your hair sorted out. You need to listen to me more often. Stupid boy." I gave Auntie Meryl a kiss on the forehead. "Does that mean you forgive me?" I asked. "Get me some grapes and bring that lovely little son of yours to come and see me, and then I'll forgive you," said Auntie Meryl.

I am so glad that Auntie Meryl is going to be OK. The Doctors have said she will need to stay in hospital for a few days, but after that she should be OK to come back home. The news has started to spread around everyone that Auntie Meryl's going to be OK, and whilst we're all happy, Mum has made a very valid point and said that she is going to be the worst recuperating patient to look after, ever, but do you know what? I don't care. I'm kind of looking forward to how much of an annoying nightmare she's going to be. I love her to bits. I've missed her so much and I am over the moon that she's going to be OK.