Liar, Liar, the Mage's Desire Vol. 2 (The Oumeno Strikes Back)

Himilocks and the Three Bears (2)

    Once upon a time, there were three bears who lived in a quaint, little cottage in the middle of the forest. There was the hotheaded, headstrong, self-proclaimed leader of the group, Stupid, Ugly Bear. He loved everything that had to do with space; his favorite constellation was Ursa Major, and he'd never shut up about it. The second bear, Moody Bear, was a quiet, irritable meanie-head. She liked spending most of her time sneaking up on and brutally killing the other forest animals, and insulting her roommates. She was what people in the farting industry called, "the silent killer." Lastly, the third bear, named Emo Bear, was timid and soft-spoken. Though he was the smartest of the three, he often suffered from self-doubt, causing Stupid, Ugly Bear to annoy him to death with his inspirational speeches. Well, one morning, Stupid, Ugly Bear, Moody Bear, and Emo Bear were sitting at the table eating their porridge. 

   "AAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!" Stupid, Ugly Bear screamed, holding his tongue. "M-My porridge is too hot!"

   "Then blow on it," Moody Bear replied testily. "It doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure that out."

   "Haha, hey! I might as well be a rocket scientist!" Stupid, Ugly Bear said with a hearty laugh. "I do love space, after all!" Moody Bear rolled her eyes.

   "Idiot," she muttered grouchily.

   "Heeeey, don't call me an idiot! That really hurts my feelings!" Stupid, Ugly Bear whined.

    "Um...that's really strange, considering your name is Stupid, Ugly Bear," Emo Bear pointed out. 

   "Well, yeah, I don't mind being called that, cuz...that's my name," Stupid, Ugly Bear replied. "But, my name isn't 'Idiot Bear,' so, therefore, don't call me an idiot! Apologize, right now, Moody Roll!" Moody Bear glared at Stupid, Ugly Bear.

   "Do you wanna die?" she threatened. "And I told you to stop calling me 'Moody Roll.'"

   "Huh? You don't like it?" Stupid, Ugly Bear asked. Moody Bear clutched her spoon tighter, trying to suppress the urge to strangle Stupid, Ugly Bear.

   "Oh! Um...so, Moody Bear, how's your porridge?" Emo Bear asked, trying to change the subject. Moody Bear relaxed a little, and scooped a spoonful of her porridge into her mouth.

   "Ugh...it's too cold," she muttered grumpily. 

   "Ah, then it suits you fine, Moody Roll!" Stupid, Ugly Bear joked playfully. Like a moron, he was unaware of Moody Bear's aura of bloodlust that she was blatantly emanating from her dark, black, homicidal soul. Seriously, her aura was so strong that red energy was flowing around her body. Well, anyway, Emo Bear, once again, came to Stupid, Ugly Bear's rescue. 

   "Well...um...my porridge is just right, you guys!" he said. "I think it's because of, um...the honey I put in it." Moody Bear seemed to calm down as she tore her murderous gaze away from Stupid, Ugly Bear to stare bitterly at her cold porridge.

   "Huh?" Stupid, Ugly Bear asked. "Oh! Speaking of which, we should go out to get more honey today, you guys!" Moody Bear sighed heavily with aggravation. 

   "I told you that we should have done that yesterday," she growled. "You didn't listen to me!"

   "But the solar eclipse happened yesterday!" Stupid, Ugly Bear said. "That was much more important than food! I mean, c'mon, we eat food all the time! But it's not often that a solar eclipse happens!" 

   "Ugh...whatever! Let's just hurry up and get the honey, already!" Moody Bear said, standing up from the table, and rushing out the front door without another word. Stupid, Ugly Bear looked at Emo Bear in confusion.

   "Gee, what's up with her?" he asked. "She acts like she just missed Halley's Comet, and has to wait another 80-something, or whatever, years to see it."

   "Uh...Stupid, Ugly Bear? Maybe we should just go follow her," Emo Bear suggested. "It's, um...not too wise to make her so mad."

   "Haha, I don't know what you're so worried about, Emo Bear!" Stupid, Ugly Bear said. "I'm sure Moody Roll knows I'm just messin' with her!"

   "Uh...okay," Emo Bear replied with uncertainty. 

   "C'mon, let's go follow her, like you said," Stupid, Ugly Bear continued. "I mean...I'm not scared of her, but I also don't like it when she makes those scary faces while telling her murderous jokes."

   *I don't think she's joking,* Emo Bear thought to himself. Nevertheless, he stood up, and followed Stupid, Ugly Bear out of the cottage, and into the forest after Moody Bear. A few minute later, a short, red-haired girl named Himilocks came across the three bears' cottage. She had been walking through the forest all morning, and needed somewhere to rest. She opened the door to the cottage, and peeked inside with excitement and curiosity.

   "Woooow...!" she breathed. "This is so cool!" She casually placed her hands behind her head as she walked inside, observing her surroundings. "Nyeh...well, isn't this a super-duper cozy place? Nee-heehee...I can definitely take a nap here!" She then noticed the three bowls of porridge that were still sitting on the table. "Oooo...after I have a little snack!" She rushed over to the table, and sat in Stupid, Ugly Bear's spot, shoving the porridge into her mouth. Himilocks' eyes began to water, and her face began to turn red. "AAAUUGGHHH...IT'S TOO HOOOOT!!!" she yelled, spitting the porridge back out. "Hmph...well, that was a waste of my time!" she huffed, walking over to Moody Bear's seat. She sat down, and began to eat Moody Bear's porridge. "Yuck! This crap is too cold!" she exclaimed in disgust. Finally, she moved on to Emo Bear's porridge. "Heeey...this is actually pretty good!" In a matter of seconds, Emo Bear's porridge was gone. 

    After eating the rest of Emo Bear's porridge, Himilocks grew tired, and let out a very sleepy yawn. She climbed off of Emo Bear's chair, and began searching for a bed to sleep in. She came across Stupid, Ugly Bear's room, and climbed into his bed...or more accurately, his bedrock.

   "Nyeh! This bed is too hard!" Himilocks exclaimed. "Seriously, who would sleep in a bed like this?!" Next, she made her way to the next room, which was Moody Bear's room. She climbed into Moody Bear's bed. "Hmm...this is okay, I guess," she mumbled to herself, snuggling underneath the blanket. As she did, she began to sink farther and farther into the mattress. "Holy crap! This bed is waaay too soft!" she said through a strained voice. After a few minutes of struggling, Himilocks was finally able to climb out of Moody Bear's bed. She went over to Emo Bear's room, and climbed into his bed, which was the right amount of firm and soft. "Nee-heehee...now *that's* more like it!" she said. She laid her head down on the pillow and immediately drifted off to sleep.