"Go away Chris!" I yell through the door not wanting to open it... "Ava open the door!!" He yells knocking hard again... "No! Go away..." I yell back and he is silent for a second... "Come on Ava... People are going to wake up and recognize me..." He whines and this pisses me off... "Then leave and no one will know, and your precious career and reputation will be safe..." I yell back shaking my head... The audacity of showing up here and then telling me to let him in or it will be bad for him... "Ava that is not what i meant you are twisting my words..." He says this time not yelling anymore...
I sigh and shake my head... "Go away Chris... I dont want you here... I want to be left alone and i want to go back to bed..." I say desperately hoping he will just walk away... "Ava please..."
He says and i sigh and start to unlock the door... "WHAT!" I yell a little louder than i wanted... "Ava..." He says stepping closer but i shake my head blocking his way as he wants to come inside... "Chris you need to leave..." I say and he shakes his head... "No please..." He begs me cupping my face but i swat his hands away... "Dont touch me..." I bite at him, and he lowers his hands...
"Please dont go out with him..." He says and i look at him just stunned... "I can't handle that..." He whispers and i scoff... "YOU... You can't handle that... After years... YEARS... Of me watching you dating and what all... YOU can't handle it to see me go on a date?" I say and i swear steam is coming from my ears... "I love you Ava..." He whispers and i scoff...
"No, you dont! You love the idea of me... Let's be honest for a moment Chris... You have known about my feelings... You must have known i mean i wasn't the best at hiding it... and if you really loved me from the day, you met me like you said you would have shot your shot... But no... You kept me around... Fucking other women perfectly content keeping me around for what... For when the fame dies down and you can finally date the fat girl without it impacting your precious career or reputation... I saw the look on your face when what's her name mocked me before walking out... I saw in your eyes it was true... It broke my heart and not because you didn't want me but the why... So, i got over it... I distanced myself did more for myself pushing the thought of us together out of my mind... I stopped torturing myself... And now... Now that someone else asks me out... Now you decide to tell me that you love me... You dont love me you are just scared that i am going to love someone else and will not be available to you anymore..." I said and he looked at the floor not saying a word... But i was not done yet i wanted to know in how much pain i had been and maybe it was unfair of me to throw it all in his face now but i just couldn't stop it...
"You know what the worst part is... I feel so fucking stupid... I feel so...pathetic... For acting like some lovesick puppy... I feel disgusting for sinking so low... For making myself feel like shit wondering and crying why i was not good enough... For falling for a guy who acts like he is different from all the rest of those Hollywood idiots... But deep down you are just the same... You just hide it better... You know how to keep a good front for the fans and all but God you just like all those other men... And i can't believe i was so naïve and gullible to fall for it... I feel stupid and ignorant and fooled... I know you are not the only one to blame i am to... Because i should have known better... But i let my feeling cloud my judgement... So, i am begging you please... Go back home... Back to that deer in the headlight girl... Do with her whatever you want... We both know she is game... Because you are... Chris Evans... And she can't pass that up... And we will be civil to each other when we are in the same room but that is it... You and i... We can't be friends anymore..." I say taking a deep breath and i have to stand my ground because he is crying and i can't be sucked back in... Seeing him cry still hurts but i finally am freeing myself and for the first time i feel like i can really breathe again...
"Ava please dont say that... I need you..." He says sobbing taking my face in his hands again and take them off my face and i can feel the tears now run over my own face... "No... You dont... You will find someone who fits what you need... But it is not me..." I say and he presses his lips on mine and i let him because this is goodbye... "Goodbye Chris..." I whisper taking a step back and i close the door locking it again...
In a daze i walk back to the bedroom and i crawl under the sheets and have a good cry... Part of me feels relieved... I have broken free from his spell and yet i wonder... Was i really throwing away everything i had wanted over the last few years... Was i really throwing away the chance to be with him like i have always dreamed off? Was i doing the right thing... I sigh and wipe my tears on the sheets and let out a sigh staring at the ceiling... Yes... Yes, i was... I was going to give Josh a chance... I was going to give the guy a chance who actually had the balls to ask me out and making a spectacle out of it making it known he was not ashamed of me... I take another deep breath and soon i drift of asleep feeling a little lighter as i am free of the hold Chris had on me...
