I see it is Josh calling and i press decline... I dont think it is wise to answer him with Chris in the room... I quickly text him i am working and will call him later... I put my phone away again and take a deep breath closing my eyes trying to calm my mind as it is racing...
"Ava?" I hear behind me, and Chris looks at me fully dressed again... "Yeah..." I mumble looking him in the eyes... "Why do you keep denying your own feelings..." He whispers and i sigh... "Chris... Why do you keep doing this... Are you enjoying torturing me..." I whisper looking down...
Chris puts his finger under my chin pushing my head up so i have to look at him again... "I am sorry for ever hurting you... But i want you now and i am sorry for not stepping up earlier... But i am ready now... I am ready to tell everyone to fuck off and follow my heart... You have no idea the amount of pressure i am under to be perfect... And well..." He says and my heart sinks at those words and i cut him off...
"And well, being with makes it that you are not perfect because look at me how could the great Chris Evans ever be with a girl like me... It will not fulfill the image people have of you and will hurt your reputation... Got it..." I say swatting his hand away as again it feels like a slap in my face... And i push off the table... "Ava!" He yells after me but i dont listen and walk as fast as i can towards the door and into my office space taking a few deep breaths to not cry...
"We are done..." I say to Megan trying to keep a straight face, and she stands up smiling... "Great... When can we come to see the end results..." She asks and i take a deep breath as Chris walks in looking at me, but he says nothing as we are no longer alone anymore... The girls from wardrobe and makeup are packing up and my assistant is busy on the phone... "When do you need them?" I ask keeping my focus on Megan and she smiles... "Before Monday if that is possible..." She says and i nod... "Can we go over them Friday?" She asks and i take a deep breath... "No need... I will work on them and i will sent all of them to you so you can pick yourself..." I say and she looks confused because this is normally not how i work...
Normally i go over them with the client and we choose together which ones are best and those i will send over the rest will stay here with me... "I dont have time seeing as this was a last-minute thing and this way you can pick out the ones you guys like best..." I say and she nods still a little confused, but she accepts my reasoning... "We will make sure that you will be credited for the pictures..." She says and i nod... "And i will let the magazine know to pay you..." Megan says... "That is appreciated..." I answer pinching myself to keep me from crying in front of all these people... We both stand up shaking hands and i nod to Chris who looks at me... "If you guys will excuse me i have some work to do..." I say and i walk back to the photo studio and lock the door behind me leaving Chris and Megan behind...
My phone rings again and this time it is Chris and i press decline... I dont want to talk to him anymore i feel so hurt and degraded... For a few hours i felt excited and let myself be pulled into the fantasy... For a few hours i started to wonder if i had the right thing cutting him off for a moment i thought maybe i have been too harsh on him but with just one sentence, he pulled me back to reality... With just one sentence he made me feel worthless again just because of the way i look... With on sentence, he confirmed that the way i look was the problem... The reason he never made a move was that the way he is perceived is more important than how he is feeling let alone how i feel and i know i was right he was biting his time until he was in a place his career could take it... I might not be the most secure woman... I had my insecurities like any woman has... But i knew i didn't deserve this... I was worth more... I didn't deserve to be treated like this...
I take a deep breath and look around and start to clean up... Tears are running down my face and i can't stop them so i just let them as i put stuff away... I drain the tub and take the towel he dried himself with hanging it aside for my assistant to wash it later... I sit down on a couch in another little set up and let the tears run free as i give myself some time to have a good cry...
About an hour later i take my camera and walk into my office putting it on my desk and my assistant looks at me this pitiful look on her face and i sigh... I know she means well but she is getting on my nerves because she is dying to know what happened seeing as my face is probably all puffy and red due to the crying... But i dont want to talk about it most off all not with her... I just feel so ashamed to let myself getting sucked back in...
"You can go home for the day..." I say giving her a little smile and she hesitates for a second but then starts to gather her things and proceeds to walk to the door... She is about to walk out when she turns around... "I am sorry for scheduling this without talking about it with you first..." She said and i shake my head... "It is good for business so no apologies..." I said giving her a reassuring smile... She nods and wants to say something else but decided not to and leaves....
I sigh and look around my office and shake my head... I dread to work on the pictures but the sooner i do this the sooner i can move on... So, i hook my camera onto the laptop and get to work... When i reach the last pictures of Chris fully naked on full display i decide not to put them on my laptop keeping them on the memory card and i walk to my safe putting them there so they will be safe... As much as i hate him right now i dont want them to leak but i can't bring myself to erase them... I know it is ridiculous but i just can't...
I sigh and get to work going through all the pictures deleting the ones that are not up to my standard and working on the ones that are fixing little errors in the lighting and things like that... As i am a few hours in my phone rings and i see it is Josh again and i answer... "Hey sweetheart..." He says all chipper and i smile... "Hello pumpkin..." I say smirking and he chuckles... "Busy day?" He asks and i sigh... "Something like that..." I mumble and he is quiet for a second...
"Are you okay Ava..." He asks the sound of his voice worried... "Yeah just a long day... I am still at my office working..." I say and he sighs... "Anything i can do?" He asks and i smile... "No but thanks for asking..." I say smiling a little more... "I just wanted to hear your voice but if you are busy i can hang up..." He says his voice a little unsure... "No... It is time for a break anyway..." I say and i can sense he is happy to hear that... We talk for a little while and i am once again surprised at the fact it all feels so easy with Josh... "Did you have dinner yet?" Josh asks and i look at the time realizing it is already late and i take a deep breath... "No... I got caught up in work..." I say and he chuckles... "Want to grab a bite to eat... If you have to work, it is okay..." He says and i smile... "No... I can continue tomorrow..." I say as the mention of food makes my stomach growl... We agree to meet at this diner a few miles from my studio... I pack up my stuff taking my work laptop with me so i can work from home a little more later if i feel like it...
I walk to my car and take a deep breath checking myself in the rearview mirror and i look tired... I try to fix myself so i look a little more presentable before i make my way to the diner...
