"Do you mind taking me home and going to your mother for dinner alone... Tell her i am sorry... But i really am not up for it right now..." I whisper looking out the window of the car... "Are you sure angel..." Chris whispers as he is holding my hand rubbing his thumb over the back of it..."Yeah i am sorry... I just... I just am not up for family dinner right now... I am tired and all i want to do right now is sleep..." I whisper and Chris lifted my hand to his lips kissing the back of it... "Anything you need angel..." He whispered back and i swallowed hard trying to keep my emotions at bay...
The words... It is your fault, and we should have just gotten rid of you... Kept playing through my mind... They hated me simply for the fact i was born... They saw me being born as the reason my brother went off the rails... I never stood a chance with them... They never loved me... The fact i helped them out was normal to them as i in their eyes was the cause of it all...
And although deep down inside i already knew all this... It still felt like a slap to the face... I just couldn't understand it... As Chris and i were trying for a baby i couldn't imagine treating that innocent little bundle the way my parents treated me... I would try everything in my power to have Jack love his little brother of sister and make sure he will not feel any less loved...
Chris dropped me off at the house and cupped his face and kissed him wanting him to know i still loved him and he looked at me worried as i pulled back... "I will be okay sappy... I just need some sleep... I am so tired..." I whisper and he nods... "Call me if you need anything okay... You are not alone anymore... We are your family... We love you... We are so happy that you are in our lives, and we wouldn't want it any other way... We need you... You are our glue..." He says and i smile... "I love you to... So much... You and Jack are my world..." I whisper kissing Chris again before getting out of the car...
I walk into the house and when i am inside Chris drives off... Carly would take Jack over to Lisa's and then Chris would take him home after dinner with everyone... Jack loved spending time with the family... He had done so well at his first sleepover at Lisa's, and it had been so good for his confidence and he and Carly's kids had become so much closer... Not to mention that Jack and Lisa had become so much closer... It was so nice to see... He was really accepted by the whole family... But he especially loved Lisa... The fact that he finally had a grandma just like other kids had sunk in and he was loving it...
After the wedding he would finally start on schooling... Chris and i felt that he had settled in enough and we had a feeling he was ready and eager to learn... We had found this great tutor who was willing to work with him to get him up to the level he should be at... But a few weeks after our wedding we were going to Atlanta as Chris had to film for Marvel again... I had accepted the job of being the photographer again... Chris said we could make it work... That i was not solely responsible and seeing as filming was a lot of waiting in between takes he could help out... We were in it together...
I had to admit i was excited and looking forward to it but still a little nervous of the new dynamic of our kid in the mix... What i did look forward to, was living in the same house again... I loved that house... We would be living under the same roof with Mackie and Seb again... We had asked if they would mind having a kid in the house, but they were thrilled and so was Jack when we told him... They were the fun uncles...
I sigh and walk up the stairs... I decide to take a shower first as i wanted to wash everything away... It did not help... I got out of the shower put on Chris his shirt and crawled into bed and then i finally broke... I cried and cried my eyes out... I cried so much that i didn't even hear the front door open and shut and i jumped up when there was a knock on the door...
"It is just me sweetheart..." I heard and i let out a sigh of relief when Lisa walked in the room... "Oh sweetheart come here..." She whispered and sat on the bed next to me pulling me into her arms holding me tight rocking me back and forth as i cling on to here crying my eyes out...
"It is okay sweetheart... Let it all out..." She whispered to me in a motherly tone... A tone i had never had from my own mother... She never comforted me... "I didn't ask to be born..." I say sobbing and Lisa cups my face having me look up at her... "No... But sweetheart we are all so happy that you were... I know it sucks that they treat you like shit... They are assholes... Fucking assholes..." Lisa says and i look at her shocked as i never have heard her curse before. "But you are our family... We love you and want you so much..." She says and hugs me again holding me tightly...
"Your mother may not want you... But i certainly do... So, i am your mom now... Let that awful woman drop dead... She doesn't deserve to be a mother..." Lisa says and i chuckle... "And what your father said is not true... You are not at fault for their bad parenting of your brother... It is not your fault sweetheart... Not your fault..." She said over and over holding me until i finally had calmed down...
"Go sleep sweetheart... I will be downstairs... I'll be here... Until Chris and Jack are home okay..." She said and i nodded as i was so exhausted i barely could keep my eyes open... I smiled as she tucked me in and kissed my forehead as if i was a little girl again and as soon as i closed my eyes i was asleep...
