Elephant Reviews [CFCU]

Miss CEO And The Mysterious Secretary

By: Chelansea

First Impressions (ex. Cover, Blurb, title)

-The cover is good, but it could be a little more original.

-The title creates a different expectation to the mood of the story, as it sounds a little more on the humorous side.

-The blurb is a little misleading in that she isn't eccentric. Also, the secretary's character doesn't come across as a secret agent.

Mechanics (ex. Grammar, sentence structure, etc.)

-There were no issues with grammar or sentence structure.

-It is easy to read and the prose flows well.

Plot

-The plot had some points that seemed a little out there, such as the high school reunion. Why did she need a whole day off for a reunion?

-It is also hard to believe that people have forgotten that she was a child star, and the secretary was in a fanclub about her.

-There doesn't seem to be a clear direction in terms of the plot.

Characters

-It is a little hard to connect with the main character because of her unpleasantness, and her brother's extreme behavior adds to the unpleasantness.

-The secretary does not seem to have much of a personality. Kind of 2D.

-The terrorist group seemed to come out of the middle of nowhere, and all the new names at once made it hard to understand who was who.

-I felt like there was no empathy or trust established or even knowledge of the characters before the danger or suspense comes in, so we lack any alarm or concern for the characters' safety.

Overall, we think you have a good start. You have the prose down, but maybe some of the characters and plot can be fine tuned a little. Best wishes with your work!