Elephant Reviews [CFCU]

The Last Hope

By: GoolCool2018

First Impressions (ex. Cover, blurb, title)

-Title: The title is fine.

-Cover: The title is a little difficult to read and the sunset is pretty generic.

-Blurb: The blurb can use a little work.

Mechanics (ex. Grammar, sentence structure, etc.)

- The grammar is fine, but it is curious as to why the dialogue is in italics.

- In the first paragraph of the first chapter, the use of "our" suggests the story is written in first POV but the rest of the chapter is written in 3rd. In some of the following chapters, there are other cases of this happening.

Plot & Characters

- Chapter one starts off with a lot information, but it's a lot of exposition, and it was easy to get lost in the whole clues and capes tradition explanation. Perhaps start with something recognizable to the reader and add information as you go along and have the characters introduce new ideas. For example, they can be buying something to eat at the festival, and add the exposition as we get to know the characters.

- It is hard to tell what time period that this takes place in, as there isn't enough set up to really understand this world that the story takes place in.

- Chapter three started out with a couple paragraphs about Christina, but the rest is about Riley. Perhaps dedicate the entire chapter to Rileys experience to keep it consistent.

- There are characters that are not introduced well, so it's hard to keep track of who they are.

This has potential to be an interesting world. Best wishes for your writing journey!