Elephant Reviews [CFCU]

Dragon's Breath

By: vampire9000

First Impressions (ex. Cover, blurb, title)

-Title: The title is good.

-Cover: The Cover is fine.

-Blurb: The blurb is nice but it's not clear what the new war is about. It seems to be vaguely humans vs dragons, but it might be beneficial to be more specific.

Mechanics (ex. Grammar, sentence structure, etc.)

The grammar is alright but some of the sentences are are similar in length, so perhaps combining some of them to vary up the sentences will help.

Plot & Characters

- The plot is interesting- but it is a little hard to get behind the main character. Her attitude feels unjustifiably bully-like and although there may be reasons why she may have a more biting personality, it might be a good idea to be wary of the fact that rudeness does not equate to badass sass all the time. Particularly the way she interacts with the queen. Perhaps try giving her more dignity by having her take the higher road despite the queen's attitude, instead of sassing back. Or at least make sure that there is character growth.

-A little more set up about the world might help readers better envision the story.

- The pacing could slow down a little, spending a little more time on events so it doesn't feel as rushed.

- Chapter 22 starts off on the next day, but there's no transition so it isn't clear.

This story has potential to be an interesting fantasy story, with a good look at the main character. We wish you luck on your writing journey!