Elephant Reviews [CFCU]

Idle Heart

By briizy98

First Impressions (ex. Cover, blurb, title)

-Cover: The cover works.

-Blurb: The blurb is good but doesn't reflect the main character, at least in the beginning. It starts off where he seems kind of more on the reserved side, not stating his opinions and kind of staying in the background instead of the 'powerful' and 'strong-willed' character described in the blurb. A suggestion would be to include more descriptions about his more conservative personality.

-Title: The title is fitting.

Mechanics (ex. Grammar, sentence structure, etc.)

There doesn't seem to be many grammar issues.

Plot & Characters

- Chapter one starts off with a very political conversation and it doesn't feel very engaging. Perhaps instead of a discussion about the politics, start with a conflict or attack and then slowly introduce the politics as you go.

- The pacing feels a bit slow.

- In Chapter four, he sits down and wonders how he's going to get home after transforming. However, this was just after the confrontation with the woman, and it seemed a bit abrupt because he went from really worked up emotionally to just wondering about the technicalities of his journey home. Maybe more internal dialogue about what happened as well as a period of calming down from the intense emotion would be good.

Best of luck to you in your writing journey!