Elephant Reviews [CFCU]

Bossy Vibes

By: Angela_salvator

First Impressions (ex. Cover, blurb, title)

-Cover: The cover is good.

-Blurb: The blurb is fine. 

-Title: The title makes sense.

Mechanics (ex. Grammar, sentence structure, etc.)

- There are some grammar issues here or there.

- The tenses are a bit mixed up. It switches between present simple and past simple.

- A lot of the sentences start with the same words and sometimes they are short and choppy, so combining some of the shorter sentences can vary up the length and improve the flow.

Plot & Characters

- Some of the names are very similar, like Nora, Nina, Naomi, and Elijah, Elian which creates a little bit of confusion when reading.

- Nora seems fearless and confident at the very beginning, but then when she was told that she needed to learn how to be punctual, she was on the verge of tears. Perhaps more internal thoughts voicing concern over her new job would help illustrate her personality earlier on.

The story brought up some questions for us. For example:

- Even though there was a driver sent for her, she was still late.

- It was also odd that the CEO wasn't part of the team who hired her for an assistant position.

- She seemed to be noticing the building for the first time but if she was interviewed there before, it wouldn't be the first time she was in the office. 

We wish you the best in your writing journey!