Elephant Reviews [CFCU]

My Inner Demons

by blushin_bby

First Impressions (ex. Cover, blurb, title)

-Title: The title is good.

-Cover: The cover is nice, but the title's text is a little hard to read against the background.

-Blurb: The blurb is fine.

Mechanics (ex. Grammar, sentence structure, etc.)

- The grammar is pretty flawless.

- It was noticed that there was a lot of sentences that started off with the name or pronoun, then what they did. So perhaps try to vary up the way the sentences are structured to improve the sentence flow.

Plot & Characters

- In chapter twenty, she washes off the running mascara, but she just woke up from a nightmare. So unless she wore makeup to bed for some reason, like she forgot to take it off before falling asleep, it seems odd that she would have to wash off mascara after sleeping. 

- In chapter twenty-five, it she says that she hasn't eaten in two months. We feel like an average person would be in a lot worse condition, physically, than it seems that she is in. If it is because of her unnatural powers and such she is able to not be as affected, perhaps provide a bit of that explanation. If not, perhaps show a bit more adverse effects of her extreme diet and workout routine, like fainting, dizziness, etc.

- In chapter thirty-seven, there are a lot of characters who join them in their game, but they are not exactly introduced to the readers, nor does it really explain where they came from- were they invited by Starfire?

This story feels like it fits the Teen Titan universe and seems like it is coming along nicely. Best of luck to you in your writing journey!