By: Gilbert-Dancer
Disclaimer- The following review is by me, Ellie. My knowledge on Gregor the Overlander is not extensive, so if I address something that is not applicable because of information in the series that I may have missed, then please dismiss it.
First Impressions (ex. Cover, blurb, title)
-Title: The title seems fine.
-Cover: The title is hard to read as there is not a lot of contrast against the background in some areas. A suggestion on the cover design is to look at covers of the original series and get inspiration on how they do their text.
-Blurb: The blurb is simple, but alright for those already familiar with the fandom.
Mechanics (ex. Grammar, sentence structure, etc.)
The grammar is pretty flawless. However, for the dialogue, one note would be to add a line break each time there is a new speaker.
Plot
-In Chapter One, it says the grandmother is suffering from a heart attack, but heart attacks typically last up to 20 minutes. So perhaps the term you were looking for was she is recovering from a heart attack.
-In Chapter Four, he realizes that he is in a dilemma because he doesn't have a sword. But when he fought the man in the tunnel with his father, he had a sword. So maybe a line in there that he lost the sword somewhere, or must have dropped it when he fell, etc.
-In Chapter Six, he pops his stitches but manages to run out of the hospital among other activities without consequences. Which is odd unless he has healing abilities (which, if he does, perhaps it should be mentioned to remind the audience), or if a lot more time has gone by than he thinks, or if he is on pain killers.
This story has good points of tension and suspense. It will be interesting to see where the story goes. Best of luck to your writing journey!
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