Elephant Reviews [CFCU]

Unstoppable

By: Ridhikamini

First Impressions (ex. Cover, blurb, title)

-Title: The title is fine.

-Cover: The flames take up a lot of the cover and there is a lot of empty space below the title.

-Blurb: The blurb is good but a little too vague, and it is advisable to spell out what RAW stands for.

Mechanics (ex. Grammar, sentence structure, etc.)

-There are some grammar edits needed.

- There are excessive exclamation points and question marks. Perhaps instead, try adding more expressive dialogue tags.

-It is suggested to create a new paragraph for when it's a different person speaking.

- In the first five chapters or so, the headings say POW instead of POV.

- A lot of the time, especially in dialogue, people use contractions more often.

- In Chapter 5 (Executed, Rescued but Defeated (PART 1)), there too many POV changes.

Plot & Characters

- The pacing is a little fast, perhaps consider adding more details to give the readers a better sense of the setting and what is going on. Starting with action is good to get the reader engaged, but it's necessary to slow it down and let the audience breathe a little.

- She doesn't resolve her daughter's high fever situation.

- The chapter titled "DEAD" has a nice ending to it.

- In the first chapter named "Confidentiality," the terrorists used code names that they said were not to be used again, however in the ninth chapter, "DEAD," it mentions someone named 'Jupiter' in a hotel room in Los Angeles, which is the same code name used in the first chapter.

- Perhaps Ria's character can be deepened by giving her more personality traits and quirks.

This seems like an action-packed story with some twists and turns. Best of luck to you in your writing journey!