Elephant Reviews [CFCU]

One in a Million

By: RaquelS03

First Impressions (ex. Cover, blurb, title)

-Cover: The cover looks good.

-Blurb: The blurb is fine.

-Title: The cover works.

Mechanics (ex. Grammar, sentence structure, etc.)

The grammar issues are seldom to none.

Plot & Characters

- There is heavy info dumping exposition while she explains the history to her class that diminishes the tension or momentum in the story.

- The prologue's purpose is understood, but we felt that because it takes so long to get anywhere, it takes away from the story a bit because we want to skip ahead to see what happens.

- In Chapter one, when they say "I'm so sorry it had to come to this," it might be better to immediately say "I highly doubt that" because otherwise readers might not know what the narrator is commenting on.

- With the story ending without a lot of things resolved, it might be tricky to really nail the pacing on the next story. Some things to watch out for would be stretching out the resolution too much or on the contrary, resolving the issues too quickly.

- We found it a bit odd that the president relied on the compound for protection of the daughter if he was supposedly the most powerful person in the world. Does he not have a lot of resources on his hands, like an army?

This prose is written well and there's great moments of suspense and action. Best of luck to you in your writing journey!