Elephant Reviews [CFCU]

The Bad Boy's Girl

By Amastargal

First Impressions (ex. Cover, blurb, title)

-Title: The title is a little generic.

-Cover: The cover is fine but it doesn't really illustrate a teen fiction specifically.

-Blurb: The blurb could use more detail on the character's goals and aspirations.

Mechanics (ex. Grammar, sentence structure, etc.)

There are some grammar issues.

Plot & Characters:

- Perhaps try and incorporate more thoughts and emotions to deepen the main character. In the first chapter, it describes the character's dislike of Monday mornings, but beyond that, there is little about how she feels. Is she excited for the first day of school to meet new people? Or is she dreading it? Other details that could be included are what grade she's going into, and other information. There can be more internal thoughts added to other chapters as well.

- Including more dialogue tags will help readers be able to follow along better and dialogue tags also give opportunities to convey emotion, character quirks, and reactions, such as raising an eyebrow, shrugging, etc.

- It is not necessary to have a list of characters in Chapter 5. This information about the characters can be integrated into the story.

- In Chapter 9, it is not explained as to how Jack got in, nor was the question, "how did you get in" asked by Natalia, verbally or mentally.

We wish you the best of luck on your writing journey forward!