Elephant Reviews [CFCU]

Emerald Hearts

By: Toni_Garland

First Impressions (ex. Cover, blurb, title)

Title: The title makes sense.

Cover: The cover is nice but it is hard to read the author's name. Perhaps try a font color that has a little more contrast to the yellow background.

Blurb: The blurb is fine.

Mechanics (ex. Grammar, sentence structure, etc.)

The grammar is pretty good.

Plot & Characters:

- Admiral Son is sexist but talks to the mother as if she is her equal which feels odd.

- There seems to be a lot of set up, so perhaps getting to the action, or the part where she runs into the forrest a little sooner, would help keep readers engaged. 

- Perhaps more explanation on why the women or young girls are treated like property would be helpful to set the context.

- It's odd that the innkeeper can't sell silver, unless silver is very common and if so, perhaps there can be a sentence that mentions that .

- In Chapter five, why did Lady Emerald let the guy just take her necklace if it had sentimental value to her and it was really expensive?

- There can be some improvements on world building. For example, in chapter nine, it says she slashed him with magic, but explain more of what the magic looked like. Also, has Hae Ri seen her use that kind of magic? Perhaps it would evoke more of a reaction from her if she hadn't seen her use this magic before.

There are some neat twists and turns in this adventurous story. Best of luck to you in your writing journey!