Elephant Reviews [CFCU]

Allies With the Enemy

By: Bishesbehatin

First Impressions (ex. Cover, blurb, title)

-Title: The title seems fitting with the plot.

-Cover: The cover is very nice, but the only note would be that it is a little difficult to read "Allies" and also the tagline.

-Blurb: There's a couple things to look at in the blurb, like there is no apostrophe in 'neighbors' as it is the plural form of the word, not possessive. It is a little vague and awkwardly phrased.

Mechanics (ex. Grammar, sentence structure, etc.)

There were no obvious grammar mistakes.

Plot:

-There seems to be an interesting pacing, with the parents being a major focal point at the beginning of the story, in the first two chapters, and then the school's bad boy as the focal point in the next few chapters.

-The paragraph about death at the beginning does not have a connection with the content of the paragraphs immediately following, so it becomes confusing as to why it is there.

-The prologue has a subtitle of "Chapter one". Is it the prologue, or is it Chapter 1?

- The first paragraph of Chapter one is confusing, it is hard to understand what is happening.

Characters

- The characters can use more description and unique character traits.

- Is Tiff short for Tiffany? If so, it should be spelled out the first time, but then can be abbreviated.

This story has some great ideas, it will be interesting to see where it goes. Good luck with your writing!