Elephant Reviews [CFCU]

When Tomorrow Dies

By: dumplingbabe

First Impressions (ex. Cover, blurb, title)

-Cover: The cover is beautiful but we felt like it didn't exactly convey the humorous vibe of the story.

-Blurb: The blurb is fine.

-Title: The title is good but is a bit mysterious for the amount of banter and humor that is featured in the story.

Mechanics (ex. Grammar, sentence structure, etc.)

The grammar is relatively spotless.

Plot & Characters

- The atmosphere in chapter zero seems oddly dark for such a light-humored story.

- In chapter one, the order of events is odd because she's recovering from a surgery and then she meets the receptionist at the front reception and then she goes back to bed?

- It was a little hard for us to really fall in love with the characters and root for them at the end of the day because some of their humor or banter felt a bit insensitive or lacking empathy.

- Eli's illness and Lana's injuries feel brushed aside and not really represented realistically. One suggestion would be to have their ailments less severe to fit the plot better.

- Be careful of tokenism when including the one asian best friend.

- The best friends of both Eli and Lana seem to be very similar to their personalities, so a suggestion would be to include more contrast to the characters to make them more unique.

There's good character chemistry and it's dynamic and easy to read. It's a good start, and we wish you the best of luck on your writing journey!