Elephant Reviews [CFCU]

Marrying a Lie

By: -laeunoia

First Impressions (ex. Cover, blurb, title)

-Cover: The cover is good.

-Blurb: The blurb is fine.

-Title: The title works.

Mechanics (ex. Grammar, sentence structure, etc.)

There are a couple grammar mistakes here or there, but nothing too distracting. 

Plot & Characters

- The prologue has kind of the same structure as the other chapters, so perhaps it can be just called Chapter 1.

- There were some questions that came up when reading the first few chapters like why didn't Emilie also run away from the marriage if she didn't even feel appreciated by her parents in the first place? Even if the answer is explained somewhat by the fact that she's between a rock and a hard place, she seems to accept her fate without too much internal questioning.

- In Chapter 30, Emilie had no reaction to the fact that her sister was being used as blackmail.

- In Chapter 34, it was odd that the nurse said that they couldn't see where the bullet was because usually x-rays can see past swelling.

- Also in Chapter 34, Valentine said that the baby wasn't Cohen's, but I don't think it was ever mentioned that it was, so it was confusing. I could be wrong, but I thought the last time she talked about the baby's father was the first time that Emilie had lunch with her since she ran away and she wouldn't tell her who the father was.

- In Chapter 12, it says Emilie's nanny moved in to the mansion with her but she's never mentioned again in the rest of the story. The same goes for Benjamin's secretary.

- (ENDING SPOILER) The ending was confusing because there was no explanation as to why he left her with his parents or how it was resolved. This could possibly be explained a little more in the epilogue.

There's some good tension in scenes and interesting dynamics. Best of luck to you in your writing journey!