Elephant Reviews [CFCU]

Romanian's Forbidden Love

by Darbs_98

First Impressions (ex. Cover, blurb, title)

-Title: The title is fine

-Cover: The cover is nice, but the font is a little simple and squished.

-Blurb: The blurb has a lot of different pieces of information that doesn't seem to add up. She's "almost beaten to death" by Verino Xander (a name that's introduced without context) and it's strange because it says he came to 'save' her.

Mechanics (ex. Grammar, sentence structure, etc.)

There's some minor grammar issues and typos to take a look at, but nothing major.

Plot

- The story starts off with waking up to an alarm, which is for a lot of readers quite common and not too engaging.

- In chapter one, she mentions she's got a preschool teacher job after she finishes her last class before graduation but usually to become a preschool teacher, you usually need a credential and an internship or experience.

- At the end of chapter one, it mentions Rosa's daughter Teresa, but this does not give enough context as to who these people are in relationship to Amelia.

- Be careful of hopping between too many POVs in one chapter, it makes it jump all over the place. Perhaps consider doing only one or two POVs in a chapter, or perhaps unify the book in third person POV.

- In chapter 10, she gets a package from Pavel, but both Teresa and Rosa seem to know who that is (the enemy) but they still dress her up for the date without any concern.

- In chapter twelve, she asks what he does for a living for the second time and he also answers for the second time. If this is because it's from a different point of view this time, a suggestion would be to do third person omniscient so it won't be said twice.

- In chapter 22, Amelia thinks,"So this is a panic attack." She was not having a panic attack. She may be dealing with heartbreak and betrayal, not panic.

Characters

- It is really hard to root for the Pavel character, because he is involved in things like sex trafficking and feels very controlling - such as grabbing her chin all the time.

This story features some good points of tension. Best of luck with your writing journey!