Elephant Reviews [CFCU]

Hunted Predators

By kplums

First Impressions (ex. Cover, blurb, title)

-Title: The title is fitting.

-Cover: The cover is nicely done.

-Blurb: The blurb is fine.

Mechanics (ex. Grammar, sentence structure, etc.)

- For the most part, there aren't any glaring grammatical issues.

- You mentioned at the beginning that the action really picks up at chapter four, but maybe consider just starting at around chapter four (or at least skipping the first chapter) instead of including the first couple chapters. While it is acknowledged that there is some useful information at the beginning (Like how she got transferred to the private school, how there were issues at that school), it can be summed up in a couple sentences or revealed as we learn more about her character. Readers might not stick around through the beginning to get to the good stuff, even if you mention it in a note at the start of the chapter. Or they might just skip to Chapter Four where it says "The Story Starts." It feels like a teen fic in the beginning chapters, but since the majority of the story is thriller/action, perhaps consider taking them out to get to the action.

- More dialogue tags might help the readers have a better understanding of what is going on and who is talking, especially scenes with more than one person present.

- It was a bit unclear as to who Fallenchesca and Valarie were in relationship to Katherine, and how long they've known each other. Their appearance was kind of sudden and not explained as much, so perhaps a bit of context would be beneficial.

Plot:

(The following reflects Ellie's opinions, specifically)

 - There were many twists and turns in this story, and it was engaging and emotional. There were moments of good tension and you definitely implemented cliffhangers very well within chapter breaks and flawless shifts in perspective (Especially when a character's dialogue was cut off mid-sentence).

- Really nice parallels to reality in a what-if scenario when it came to the discrimination of the vampires and humans. It brought to light the mass hysteria, fear, and propaganda that consumes society even today.

- There were some great lines delivered in this story, from both Katherine and others that really brought it together.

- I felt like there was a good mix of humor, romance, supernatural, action, and a bit of thriller, psychological thriller, and moments where it really got an emotional reaction from me.

- (Possible spoiler alert, but I'll try to keep it vague): I do like how some characters close to her were conflicted on morality, as in showing her support or defending what might be for the greater good. It really showcased just how complicated and grey the whole matter is.

All in all, this story has some great aspects. With some polishing up, this story perhaps could be even better. We wish you well on your writing journey forward!