Elephant Reviews [CFCU]

Star Storm

By ColourfulMoth

First Impressions (ex. Cover, blurb, title)

-Title: The title seems fitting.

-Cover: The cover is nice.

-Blurb: The blurb works.

Mechanics (ex. Grammar, sentence structure, etc.)

The grammar mistakes are seldom to none.

Plot

- Unless we missed it, it seems curious that the prince would hire a rouge to carry out such a mission. Even though it was clear that the mother wouldn't send out personal to rescue his sister, if he had money, why didn't he hire someone capable and not a wanted person?

- The meeting at the start can use more context, as well as more information on how the monarchy works. Information that can answer questions like how far does the queen's power extend?

- More world building might help readers visualize the setting a little better. What kinds of species or aliens exist in this universe? What do they look like?

- In Chapter 9: If this is in the 3rd Limited POV, by Lunar's perspective, it is not clear as to why he already knows that the leaders of the invading party are named Mahoonana and Redgerman. If he did know their names prior, perhaps some recognition and backstory as to why he knew that wold clarify the situation better.

Characters

- For a space opera, it seems a bit uncreative for the names of the protagonist to be Lunar and Solar.

- In chapter 4, There's not much of an introduction to Rye. What is his relationship with the main character? There's something said about his father's relationship with them, but it seems unclear.

- In the first chapter, there are quite a few names introduced but aren't developed further, so it is questionable if they are necessary to include in the first place. Also in the end of chapter 4, there seems to be a lot of new characters with not that much of an introduction.

This story seems action-packed and adventured-filled. Best of luck in your writing endeavors!