Elephant Reviews [CFCU]

My Billionaire's Personal Maid

By: 03rose2005

First Impressions (ex. Cover, blurb, title)

-Title: The title is fine.

-Cover: The title on the cover is a little cut off on either side, and the photo used has a watermark on it. It is odd that there is a smiley face in the corner.

-Blurb: The burb is fine but there are questions with periods instead of question marks.

Mechanics (ex. Grammar, sentence structure, etc.)

- There are some grammar mistakes to take a look at to improve readability.

- There are questions with periods instead of question marks.

- It is understood from the note at the beginning of the story that you approach dialogue in a unique way. However, we noticed that this format made it more difficult to read. It was more confusing as to who was talking and dialogue tags were not there to help the characters express how they were delivering the dialogue.

Plot & Characters

- The application process was surprisingly easy and did not include an interview, which is typically seen in the job-hunting process.

- The scale of money is out of proportion for the occupations featured in this story. It is quite unheard of for a maid to be paid 50k a month. In the US, the average for a live-in housekeeper is about 23k a year, about 30k a year in the UK. Additionally, with the amount of maids he has at those salaries, he would be bankrupt, and it seems out of character that a stingy billionaire would pay his maids that heartily.

- The pacing feels fast.

- The characters could use more personality quirks, habits, and unique mannerisms that really show the depth of their personality. More dialogue tags would help in showing some of these traits.

Best of luck with your writing journey!