Elephant Reviews [CFCU]

Of The Sun And The Moon

By: SueTea

First Impressions (ex. Cover, blurb, title)

-Title: The title's symbolism is a little confusing, and we felt like it doesn't match the 'mafia' theme as much.

-Cover: The cover doesn't have a title and the image is a bit cut off.

-Blurb: The blurb is good.

Mechanics (ex. Grammar, sentence structure, etc.)

- The grammar is fine.

- There's a bit of info dumping in the first couple paragraphs. It could be argued that there's not as much a need for some of this info because she iterates this information about the company in the dialogue that follows.

Plot

- There are a lot of characters that are introduced at the beginning that do not have much of an explanation. Mateo "the Nose" Romano is introduced, but the Romano twins are not. It is unclear that the twins are Luca and Leonardo, it seems at first glance that Luca and Leonardo are new, unrelated characters.

- The part with the man and masked female was confusing. What connection did it have to the main characters? Where was this taking place? It was unclear as to what was going on.

Characters

- Valentina walks into the meeting room and everyone is terrified of her, but there does not seem to be an inherent reason why. Possibly it would be beneficial to provide more context to as why she is so feared.

-The romantic couple is a unique paring and is an interesting mix of personalities and professions.

This is an original story that has some nice elements in it. Best wishes in your writing journey!