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Loyalty Isn't Grey

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by Elephant_reviews

by Elephant_reviews

By: Turukmactau

First Impressions (ex. Cover, blurb, title)

-Title: The title seems fitting.

-Cover: The text does not appear to have much contrast against the background so it makes it a little difficult to read.

-Blurb: The blurb covers the necessities.

Mechanics (ex. Grammar, sentence structure, etc.)

-There seems to be no errors in grammar or structure. - Perhaps changing up the sentence length can help with the flow of the story.

Plot:

Maybe it can start when he is a teenager instead of in his childhood.

Characters

- A lot of the character's dialogue seems to be sort of small talk, and it can maybe use some more actions or world building while they are talking. - Giving the characters a more distinctive voice and chemistry might help the reader engage more with the story.

This story seems to have a good message, and maybe some changes in the characters will help it along. Best of luck with your writing!