Elephant Reviews [CFCU]

The Secret of Tanencha Sy Tyrin

By: TheLilLion

First Impressions (ex. Cover, blurb, title)

- Title: The title is alright but a bit difficult for people to remember and search for.

- Cover: The cover is dark and it is difficult to understand what we're seeing. "Of" is overlapping the word"Tanencha" a bit too much, and it is hard to read the author's name.

- Blurb: The blurb is fine.

Mechanics (ex. Grammar, sentence structure, etc.)

We didn't come across any grammar issues.

Plot & Character

- It's unclear what she does when it says that she collects and distributes ships. Are they pirate ships, or spaceships? How does one collect large vehicles and distribute them? Perhaps a chapter that tells readers what her life is like before the inciting incident would be a good addition.

- In the first chapter titled, "The Secret of Tanencha Sy Tyrin," the strings of lights are a concept that felt a little fuzzy. Perhaps try using more analogies to help the reader imagine the scene before her. For example, do the lights show the way like a runway at an airport? Do they kind of 'magically' rearrange themselves into this figure? How large is this figure? 

- In the second chapter titled, "The New Tyrin," she eats apple pie for the first time, but does not comment on the taste.

- She seems a little too relaxed for what is going on.

- The training scene feels very well explained.

This seems like an interesting beginning to a magical world. Best of luck in your writing adventures!