Elephant Reviews [CFCU]

Death In The Hotel

Birdsongfuzz

First Impressions (ex. Cover, blurb, title)

-Cover: The cover is nice.

-Blurb: The blurb is fine.

-Title: The title is good.

Mechanics (ex. Grammar, sentence structure, etc.)

- There are some grammar issues to review.

Plot & Characters

- Perhaps consider starting the story with the girls checking into the hotel so it gets to the action faster.

- The first two chapters had a lot of foreshadowing mentions (like "but they didn't know what was to befall them") so it felt a little repetitive. Once a chapter is fine.

- In Chapter 18, Officer Brown says, "Wise man, if you think of us as some idiotic ching-changs who wouldn't be able to catch your lies..." Ching-Chang-Chong is a derogatory term used to mock the way the Chinese language sounds, so unless the intention is for Officer Brown to be offensive or racist, perhaps consider changing this.

- The last few chapters felt like it was dragging out the resolution a little bit.

This story has its riveting moments and suspenseful scenes. It was nice how the loose ends were tied and things kind of ended on a bittersweet note. Best of luck to you in your writing journey!