By: NathalyJabanian
First Impressions (ex. Cover, blurb, title)
-Cover: The cover is good but it's hard to read the smaller text.
-Blurb: The blurb is fine.
-Title: The title is nice.
Mechanics (ex. Grammar, sentence structure, etc.)
- There are some grammar issues
- The sentences are a bit short and choppy and a lot of them start with the same word.
- Some chapters, like Chapter 5, could use more more and dialogue tags.
Plot & Characters
- We felt like the story could perhaps start off with less buildup before the mother's murder, to get to the action a bit faster.
- Andy seems to witness the murder and the loss of her mom very well and without too much consistent emotional feedback.
- The story is very fast paced so there's not a lot of time for the reader to really explore what's going on.
- The friend in Chapter 3, Meredith, seemed to be a very temporary character. Perhaps including her in other chapters prior and in the future would help integrate her further into the story.
- Some of the characters aren't introduced very well into the story. For example, in Chapter 5, it is never really explained who Cheryl is.
- Maybe when Andy is in Colombia, there could be more mentions of Colombian culture and names to give readers a better sense of the setting.
There seems to be a neat story in the works with a mystery to uncover. Best of luck to you in your writing journey!
YOU ARE READING
Elephant Reviews [CFCU]
Random[CLOSED FOR CATCH UP] We will review your story! Read to find out how to request a review.