Elephant Reviews [CFCU]

Of Thieves and Dreamers

By aero_wizard

First Impressions (ex. Cover, blurb, title)

-Cover: The cover is fine.

-Blurb: The blurb is nice.

-Title: The title is good.

Mechanics (ex. Grammar, sentence structure, etc.)

- The prose is well written and grammar issues are seldom to none.

- Some transitions between scenes would help with the flow. For example, in the second chapter after the sentence "I had to help Ezio if I wanted my brother to be cured." and before "I made my way to the harbor," there could be a transition such as "And so,".

Plot & Characters

- The first chapter contains a lot of italicized terms right away, so it's hard for us as readers to figure out what they mean while reading the story.

- There's a bit of exposition within the action scene, which slows it down and seems a bit unfitting with all that's going on at the moment.

- The first chapter feels a little drawn out.

- It seems strange that the captain the guard is chasing her if she just stole bread.

- Though there are some emotions, there are not as much introspective commentary on her part. For example, Ezio seems like a very shady character but Gaia doesn't seem be that suspicious of him. What does she think of him? What was her reasoning like or her decision making process?

- It's odd they have no money for bread but they have books and also that they can read given their social status and lack of education.

- In chapter six, we see her make decisions that haunts her and that show that she's trying to survive, sacrificing some of her morality to do so. It's a great commentary on the social-economic gap in the society, as well as her personality that's been cultivated by her life experiences.

The story is written in a way where it captivates the reader and leaves you wanting to know more about the world and the descriptions are really good. Best of luck to you and your writing journey!