Elephant Reviews [CFCU]

Her Dark Sins

By Tellsbooks

First Impressions (ex. Cover, blurb, title)

-Title: The title seems to fit the plot.

-Cover: The cover looks great, except it is difficult to read the tagline.

-Blurb: The blurb features all necessary information.

Mechanics (ex. Grammar, sentence structure, etc.)

There are some typos here and there, but nothing too extreme.

Plot

The timeline is a little confusing, as well as what Hira's thoughts are on her powers. We skip three months, post the accident, and then she has all these powers that she is using to defeat the paranormal creatures. We are left in the dark for a while as to what happened during those three months, so it seems sudden and random almost that she is able to defeat the monsters.

So perhaps starting the story at chapter two, and covering some of the background in a monologue would help, or provide some chapters on what happened during the three months, or the 'hero's journey.'

It's uncertain where she stands in terms of understanding her powers. She seems to know what she is doing when she is fighting the Fiend, but when talking to the girl in chapter five, she seems to just have been experiencing odd things and having powers.

Maybe adding her reactions when first finding out what she is now capable of doing when she first experiences such phenomenons can help readers gain an understanding of what she knows and doesn't know.

This might be something that can be covered if the three month period is covered in a couple of chapters.

Characters

The older brother comes off as very immature for his age. Although it is noted that this is because his personality is that of immaturity, he still seemed a bit too much younger than his age.

This seems like a good plot, with a lot of twists and turns. It'll be interesting to see where it goes, and we wish you the best of luck on your story!