Elephant Reviews [CFCU]

MATT MIRACLE

By: JosephEchewisi

First Impressions (ex. Cover, blurb, title)

-Title: The title seems appropriate.

-Cover: The cover looks good except the title might be a little underwhelming.

-Blurb: The blurb has a little too much information that is hard to keep up with. There are a lot of more technical terms that might be bit too much for readers to digest for the blurb, so maybe keeping things more simple will help. There also are a couple places to improve the grammar, such as capitalization.

Mechanics (ex. Grammar, sentence structure, etc.)

- Perhaps collaborating with an Editor can help to improve some of the sentence structures.

- The Prologue (GENESIS) introduces a lot of historical information at once, so it is hard to follow along and feel connected to the characters once the story starts. Maybe build up the context and characters more in the beginning, working in some scenes that show the reader what "normal" life was like before the inciting incidents occurred.

Plot & Characters

- The plot's pacing is a little quick, and perhaps there can be more set up.

- There are a lot of characters in this story, so introducing a lot at once can make it confusing for the readers to track. Maybe spend more time building up who the characters are before introducing more.

- Nathan just woke up in a brand new body, and the other characters responsible did not have too much of a reaction. It felt like Nathan should have a bit more of a reaction when he woke up in a stranger's body in a paranormal world.

- Their reaction to having opened up a portal to hell seems rather understated as well.

Perhaps taking a look at expanding some ideas and background will help engage more readers. This story seems to have a lot of good action and suspense. Best of luck with your story!