Elephant Reviews [CFCU]

White Dawn

By: ASilentVoice17

First Impressions (ex. Cover, blurb, title)

-Title: The title is fine.

-Cover: The title on the cover gets a little lost on the design, but it is eye catching.

-Blurb: The blurb can use a little rewording, as the concepts come off as a bit confusing, and it can use more details to set it apart from a generic storyline.

Mechanics (ex. Grammar, sentence structure, etc.)

There are some grammar issues that make the sentences a bit difficult to understand sometimes, so maybe the help of an editor can help clarify a little.

Plot

- Starting with an info dump is not recommended, but instead perhaps work the information into the story, revealing parts of it as it becomes relevant.

- On Page 2, Unwanted Company, he wrapped the injury that he sustained from the fight. He gained a couple different injuries, the one on the hand and one on his side, so which one did he wrap? Also, it seemed as though he could heal himself- so why would he have to wrap the injury? Or even if he could only stop the bleeding, would he still have to wrap the injury? Perhaps more explanation about this aspect will help clarify some of these questions.

- More information on the powers in general might be useful as well. For instance, does his injuries affect his magic use at all? Perhaps a line explaining this could help readers better understand the magic.

- Ella had a reward for finding the pendant (coins) but when he wanted a reward for saving them, she said they didn't have anything, but he didn't object or call them out on their original bluff.

Characters

- The main character seems to be an interesting mix of nonchalant and serious at times. It is a good mix and is intriguing. However, it is not apparent what his motivations are in the first few chapters, which is a good thing to establish in the beginning. 

- Also perhaps we could see a little more on why he is the way he is- a little more glimpse into the reasons behind his drinking and drug habits.

We wish you the best in your writing journey!