Elephant Reviews [CFCU]

Bam went my heart

By Giulia99__

First Impressions (ex. Cover, blurb, title)

-Title: The title is nice.

-Cover: The cover is good, but it's hard to read the text at the bottom. It also seems like a teen fiction instead of a CEO fiction.

- Blurb: The blurb is fine.

Mechanics (ex. Grammar, sentence structure, etc.)

- Perhaps working with an editor can help smooth out some of the grammar issues.

Plot & Characters

- The characters don't seem to have very much personality. A lot of attraction is going on, but not a lot of development of individual characteristics that make it feel like we're really getting to know each person.

- In Chapter three, he ignores her when she says no, and tries to stop him but he does not comply. This raises red flags for us, as it sounds like sexual harassment and it is concerning.

- Chapter four mentions that she wakes up with a sense of anger, but it doesn't elaborate on why.

- A little more clarifiers might be useful when introducing the character, Alex Fitzalan. It is unclear (for someone who doesn't watch The Society) what the society is- whether it's a movie, TV show, etc.

-Perhaps there can be more reactions to some of the dialogue, either spoken or just as thoughts. For example, in Chapter 16, Noah's brother said, "You must be my brother's latest fling." when being introduced to Abigail, but there was no reaction from her. Was she offended? Did she worry she would be used? What was Noah's reaction?

We wish you the best on your writing journey!